Straight No Chaser

Waiting

i locked my keys in the car this morning when i got to work. i used to do that all the time when i hung out with meg, to the point where my dad started asking whether i was doing drugs. at some point i got smart and started carrying three copies of my car key, keeping one on my person at all times and stashing the other two in places where i could find them easily in emergencies. it worked for a long time, but now i think it's given me a false, slightly paranoid sense of security--hence i do things like leave the keys in the ignition, in the unlocked car.

here's how i'm picturing the end of my life, as of this moment: i'm lying in bed, an older woman, thirty-fivish, and, having been burned by my own forgetfulness a few too many times, have stashed countless copies of my house key in all the obvious places--under the welcome mat, pressed into the soil of potted plants, in rows along the windowsills--and one day someone comes along, sees that my house is sprouting keys, and, criminal or not, simply can't resist the urge to experience his very first crime spree.

i mean, crisis averted, this time, since i did have the spare. thank god. there is nothing i would have liked less than to have to call home.

jim is driving me crazy. what else is new. i chewed all my strappleberry juicy fruit gum.

willy wonka is invading my dreams and life. that was a surprisingly long time coming. usually i only have to see a movie twice before i start to catch myself integrating scripted dialogue into everyday conversation. this time it took six. and i'm definitely planning on taking marcus when he gets here. and if he doesn't want to go, i'm just gonna totally go by myself.

he'll be here on saturday, god willing. that is, of course, assuming he ever gets his shit together and firms things up. i really might kill him if he messes up this time. and i really would rather not do that. krystle frequently suggests castrating him. i'd rather not do that, either. i'd rather he stay intact and behave.

today is katrina's and my anniversary. or technically it was two days ago, but i didn't realize till she reminded me, so i'm officially naming it today. thanks again to the wonderful woman who encouraged me to take my writing.com membership more seriously, thus paving the road to my friendships with the rest of you. she also inspired me to start a journal. i miss the regularity of hers, because there really were periods where everything i wrote about was in direct response to what she did. so blame her if i skip a day or two. just kidding.

aaron, i was going to post the thing about baby and her brother, just because i felt like it and i wanted the world to see what a good job we did of making nobel prize winners. then i changed my mind. just changed it.

i need a dime. if i find one i can buy some papaya juice. if i don't i'll have forty bucks in twenties and a dry throat. and a handful of just-inadequate change.

this is what i'm talking about when i say some entries don't deserve to live. i should delete this one. i should just hit the x, take the el and move on.