Straight No Chaser

One for Me and One for My Homies

one last survey, straight with chaser. or, not straight. frequently interrupted. in direct answer to christina/spidey's blogs and aaron's journal, because i can. i'm not going to poison the world this time, though. nobody else has to do this unless they just (ha!) want to.

1. what is your name? shannon
2. spell your name backwards? diputs si siht
3. date of birth? february tenth, 1985
4. male or female? female
5. astrological sign? aquarius
6. nicknames? anything with "shan" at the beginning
7. height? five feet, five inches
8. weight? 105 soaking wet
9. hair color? dark dark dark dark brown
10. eye color? dark dark dark dark brown
11. where were you born? alexandria, virginia
12. age? twenty
13. what does your screen name stand for? the fact that i am a loser
14. pets? two cockatiels at home and one that flew away to the emerald forest
15. number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake? zero
16. piercings? two in right ear, three in left
17. tattoos? never
18. shoe size? seven
19. righty or lefty? righty
20. wearing? work clothes

i think all freshman dorms must have ugly whitewashed cinderblock walls. mine certainly did, and in fact one of the blocks was broken in the corner, enabling me to see straight through to the pipes and insulation. i had the bed on the far wall in the room on the end of the building, but i could have chosen the other bed, because i got there first. treesje showed up two hours after registration ended, and i immediately noticed that she was prettier and better-dressed than me, which would become a pretty tremendous theme over the course of our relationship. her dad was completely silent and clutched a potted plant the entire time she unpacked, and left before she finished, to fly down to miami for a baseball game or something. a month later i found out he was an ex-drug dealer, and had spent seven years in jail for manslaughter. treesje and i did everything together that first day and night. she wasn't fat yet, but she ate much more than i did, and she wanted to go to clubs immediately, which i would say was an ugly state of affairs except that that's how we met marcus at the beginning of week two. i'd never been around so many black people in my life, except for five summers at camp, and i mistakenly thought they'd tease me for my hips and my butt, which had never resembled those of the white girls i'd known at home. it was a pretty shitty week, but treesje's and my relationship stayed on the ups for a remarkably long time.

21. hearing? clacking keys and a ringing phone
22. feeling? hungry and frustrated
23. eating/drinking? obviously nothing
24. have you ever been in love? yes
25. how many people have you been in love with? one
26. does someone in your family wear a toupee? no, do they even make them for black men?
27. do you have any nieces or nephew? i should hope not
28. are your parents divorced? not yet
29. do you have step parents? no
30. has your family ever disowned another member of your family? no
31. if so, for what?
32. what song do you swear was written about your life? see handle; alternately, "bluesette"
33. what's the most embarrassing cd you own? i'm not embarrassed to own any of them, including and especially "spice"
34. what's the best cd you own? can't answer this, sorry
(i name an artist and you give a song lyric)
35. aerosmith: "dream on, dream on, dream on, dream till your dream comes true"
36. madonna: "did you hear that, they called me a whore, they actually called me a whore"
37. korn: "rrrrrraaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh"
38. backstreet boys: "my love is all i have to give, i'm a liar, i'm loaded"
39. the beatles: "michelle, ma belle, sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble, tres bien ensemble"
40. sublime: "a cigarette pressed between her lips but i'm staring at her tits, it's the wrong way"

i told treesje i liked sean, and two weeks later, she was giving him head; three weeks after that, sleeping with him. that's pretty much where my implicit trust in female friends got thrown out the window. i was already marcus's best friend by then; we'd spent our first month as college students doing everything together, trading insights on the assholes we were stuck sharing our space with, and we hung back and speculated as to where sean and treesje's relationship would go, if anywhere. so far we've been almost completely right on all counts. he cheats on her continuously; she makes unbelievably bad decisions that he never finds out about; i freely dispense medical advice i'm not qualified to give; they make each other completely claustrophobic but can't quite figure out how not to be in each other's space twenty-four hours a day. when sean gained a girlfriend, i lost a roommate. halfway through the first quarter she was already spending four nights a week in his room; by the time we were sophomores it was up to six; now we only see her when she's coming back for a change of clothes. all his friends have seen her naked. she apologized, once, for forgetting to care that once upon a time i'd set my sights on sean, saying "i don't want you to think i'm the kind of girl who sharks her friends," but really that's exactly what she is. i never used the word "shark" before i went to atlanta, and now if i had to map out a mental dictionary, her picture would appear right beside it. she also has pointy teeth and very oddly shaped fingers. i wouldn't want to get head from her.

41. j.lo: "from in living color to movie scripts, to on the six, to j. lo to this, headline clips"
42. *nsync: "'cause in a room full of people you're the only one around, and nothing in this world can ever bring us down, baby i'll be there, telling you i care, this i swear, girl it's just the two of us, the two of us"
43. britney spears: "sometimes i run, sometimes i hide, sometimes i'm scared of you"
44. creed: "with arms wide open, something something [don't know, i hate creed]"
45. enrique iglesias: "whooooa, tonight we dance, whooooa, like no tomorrow"
46. good charlotte: shit, i don't know
47. new found glory: i repeat
48. kelly clarkson: "ee-yeah-ee-yeah"
49. kelly osbourne: she sings?
50. nelly: "now the same motherfuckers asking me for dough"
51. alicia keys: "i think i'm jealous of your girlfriend, although she's just a girl that is your friend"
52. incubus: "rrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh"
(favorites, thank god)
53. color: emerald green
54. food: thai fried rice
55. song: i have refused to answer this question countless times and this time shall be no different
56. show: "the x-files"
57. school subject: english, it's what i do
58. band/singer: no
59. animal: all god's critters got a place in the choir
60. movie: no

if i'd dated sean freshman year, i would never have been able to get close to marcus. i would have been cheated on, repeatedly, and unlike treesje i would have been intelligent enough to realize it, and then i'd have had to figure out whether to stay with someone who was cheating on me. sex is very important to sean, and i wouldn't have been able to give it to him, and i'd feel bad, but eventually i'd find out that i'd dodged chlamydia, and i'd feel okay about it again. i would have hated his friends and they'd have hated me. the list goes on. treesje asks me this question all the time, partly because she thinks i still like sean (just goes to show how very little she knows about the way my affections are currently distributed) and partly because she's always been insecure about whether sean likes me. he thinks i'm cute but i'm not a sex goddess like his girlfriend. the girls he's cheated on treesje with have tended to be ugly and desperate, though. so i guess her worry is legit, but at the same time he and i are friends, and just like i wouldn't betray her by hooking up with her boyfriend, i wouldn't let him betray her by hooking up with a platonic mutual friend, either. and anyway, the words i said back then were, "i think that guy from california's cute." nothing in there about his mind or his spirit or the potential for compatibility, just that he was cute, and that in particular i liked his hair (which has since been chopped off and restyled). she's heard me gush about marcus nonstop for ages. she can't think there's any comparison between my passing attraction to sean and the way i now feel about marcus. i mean, she can, she's pretty dumb. but whatever, it doesn't matter, marcus can put me through all circles of hell and i will still have won that round.

61. pair of shoes: my brown leather sandals, a little earthy but very comfortable and they make me really tall
62. cartoon: looney toons, for the wacked-out jazz in the background
63. actor: all god's critters
64. actress: got a place in the choir
65. potato chip: something i can dip in guacamole
66. drink: water
67. holiday: tie--halloween/christmas
68. childhood toy: super nintendo entertainment system and assorted game cartridges
69. carnival game/ride: the gravitron
70. candy bar: payday
71. magazine: people
72. hot drink: sweet peach oolong
73. season: winter
74. sport to watch: my brother's basketball games
75. what color are your sheets? they rotate
76. what color are your walls? pink
77. do you have posters on your wall? yes
78. if so, of what? bob marley with a roach, ella fitzgerald performing at the savoy with duke ellington and benny goodman in the front row
79. do you have a television in your bedroom? yes
80. how many pillows are on your bed? two

sometimes treesje gets drunk and molests marcus, often while i'm standing right there. further insight into her character. she's wildly confused as to why i didn't want to live with her again sophomore year, and downright offended that i didn't even ask her about next year. it doesn't really have anything to do with sean or marcus, as she might imagine. she also broke things, borrowed things without asking, asked intrusive questions, complained about most of my living habits and frequently forgot to water the plant. good luck to sean if he marries her.

81. what do you normally sleep in? a tank top and pajama pants
82. what size bed do you have? twin
83. do you have a waterbed/bunkbed/daybed? no
84. do you have your own phone line in your bedroom? there's a phone jack but no phone because i tend to use the cell
85. do you listen to music while trying to fall asleep? no because it distracts me, but i do like to fall asleep to low, monotonous speech, like on the news
86. describe the last nightmare you had? running from hulk-sized bounty hunters who were ransacking my old house
87. how many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? two if they like each other a lot
88. do you sleep in any unusual positions? invariably
89. do you have to share your bedroom with a sibling? no
90. do you snore? no
91. how about drool? no
92. do you have an alarm clock in your room? of course, i have to get up at six forty-five
93. what color is the carpet in your room? berber
94. what's under your bed? notebooks, journals, shoeboxes, shopping bags, pens, lots of stuff...just nothing edible and nothing alive
(what's your opinion of the following?)
95. eminem: a brilliant businessman with whom i could never have a romantic relationship
96. virgins: they're people too
97. god: depends who you ask
98. reality tv: insidiously awful, except for "the apprentice"
99. emo music: pretty disgusting
100. valentine's day: has potential

these are going on longer than i imagined they would. um, okay, so that was that story. today the office is pretty sleepy because it's raining; the crazy lady is out for the morning and so is my boss, and between those two absences i'm having a hard time staying occupied. next year they'll have to find an intern who knows how to pace herself, because i literally run out of weekly duties by monday afternoon, most of the time, and when everyone disappears it's hard to find new assignments, even when i really take the initiative. i've been writing a lot this week, finishing an eighth of that story a day, but yesterday i slacked off a little and now i'm behind.

101. christina aguilera's comeback: ugly
102. homosexuals: all god's critters...
103. abortion: not for me but i also wouldn't presume to tell someone else what to do with her reproductive system
104. interracial relationships: those i've seen tend to have their inherent obstacles, but i support making sacrifices for love, and love is just great, regardless, though it also sucks...anyway, interracial relationships are fine
105. murder: completely, unequivocally wrong
106. death: a blessing when timely
107. premarital sex: see "abortion"
108. terrorism: see "murder"
109. politics: necessary for order but currently disastrous
110. country music: grouping music under genres is useless; if it's good, it's good
111. george w. bush: definitely stupid, probably satan's personal chattel
(what do you think of when you hear these names?)
112. maria: "west side story"
113. jennifer: every girl ever born in the eighties
114. nicole: nicotine
115. arnold: aahhhhhnold
116. harold: the lizard cosell joke when sean hayes hosted saturday night live
117. joel: a sickly kid with an overbite from my first daycare
118. jake: wtf, mate?
119. billy: good old red-blooded all-american boy
120. jordan: names that started cute but were tragically overused

the end. he misses "iris" and i miss "a certain shade of green." when it's been two days, that is.