Personal Journal

Thoughts

I was out kayaking today, on flat water, just practicing.
And I guess it's like bicycling, in that I can get some thoughts out there that don't come to me in any other way.

I don't consider myself a very ambitious person. A new computer every couple years, a good vacation, fun Christmas seasons, and a house full of comfy furniture - those are all I want to make myself feel "rich."

And I don't drive myself nuts about cleaning the house or the car and things like that. I'm a laid back, frankly lazy in a lot of ways kind of person.

Jean was the star of the lives of the two of us. It was she who had ambitions, and it was she who wanted to see small constant improvements in the life we shared.

Maybe I don't do it at the tempo that I would if she were here, but I do improve a little over time.

I know that my favorite part of me when I had Jean to love was that she brought out the best in me.
And I realized today that the best in me has not disappeared.

I say "I miss you" instinctually when I think things, or when I see things that remind me of her. I say it the way people say "Bless you" when you sneeze. I don't even realize I'm doing it.

I was pumping gas tonight on my way home from the lake, and I remembered how ... I didn't remember... I felt her lips up against mine again, and it felt so good.

And I know I would give years off my life to be able to touch her lips with mine again.
It's not a thought that makes me depressed.
It's a thought that makes me feel like I'm starving, and there will never be enough to eat again.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn