Jonah's Journey

a perpetual baby?

Yesterday I took Jonah down to Kinderhook for friend Kate's son Sam's 3rd birthday party. There were all kinds of people there and Kate and her husband, Eric, really made it a good party. They had bubbles, toys, a kiddie pool, sandbox, swingset, and a sprinkler toy set up for the kids, and lots of delicious food. All this and Kate is like 7 months pregnant, too. I bow to her ability to pull it off!

It is always weird to attend kids' parties, because Jonah is almost like a perpetual baby with toddler skills. I must watch him constantly so he doesn't wander off, into the road or over by the hot grill, or whatever. He has no concept of danger, and other little kids are more an obstacle to him than anything else. He will push a kid out of the way to get to where he wants to go, but there is not an ounce of malice in this action -- still, I try to redirect him: hands to yourself, I say. Of course the kids will often try to talk to him and of course they get no response at all, which always leaves me wondering if I should try to explain Jonah and, if so, how to explain him. Yesterday I didn't try. I let the kids figure him out for themselves.

Eventually Jonah wandered over to the back door to the house, to pull and push it open and closed and open again, getting in the way sometimes but mostly just looking at his reflection in the glass and knocking on the door, pressing his face up to see inside....I didn't get much chance to mingle or talk to anyone I knew....the few times I tried, I lost track of Jonah and had to find him quickly.

I told some of the people I'd just met that Jonah was autistic. I feel more comfortable if people know, especially when Jonah is grunting, or staring at the light or the fan, and the question is hanging in the air: what's wrong with that kid?

People were cool about it, but still I longed to stand with the other women/parents/people and chat. It would be nice, just for a day, to have a normal kid who can play with the other kids and eat a hotdog and play on the swingset -- a kid I had to check on once in a while, maybe, while sipping a beer and chatting it up with the other moms.

We left early, too, because I hate waiting for Jonah's inevitable freakout, especially since we had a 30 minute drive home. As it was we had been there for an hour and a half in the stifling heat, and it felt like long enough to me.

I have absolutely no concept what it's like to have a normal kid, really. I often wonder what it would be like, how different it would have been, for me to have had a normal kid first and then Jonah. As it stands I have zero perspective on what normal 3 year olds are like, and so I find myself perpetually amazed at their abilities. Even 13-month-old Lukas blew my mind when he said "bye bye" to us. Wow! I mean, I was all excited when Jonah managed "mama" at one point in the party. I wonder how much weirder this will get as Jonah gets older. I hope I can manage not to make a complete idiot out of myself in these types of social situations in the future, but confidence is not high!




"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried."
         ~ Mae West (1892 - 1980)

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