The Life Of Me.

17th May 12.32pm - Confused

I have about 2 seconds to write something...but just wanted to let everybody know how stressed I am...aarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I haven't revised enough. I don't know the material. I've done not nearly enough work. I will not get the grades I need with these exams. And yes...have to be positive, I know..but it's so hard all I wanna do is see the b/f...and that's wrong. I'll have all the time in the world after my exams to see him. He's just so addictive, he's all I want, all I crave. Not even chocolate compares to him. And that's something lol. I've just sat here for half hour doing nothing when I could have been studying, instead I was waiting for an email from him. Grrr...I can resit...but that's gonna be rock, since I'll have new exams to do at A2. What me gonna do :-S

I don't know what I want to be either...I used to want to be a therapist, to counsel people...now I'm swinging towards the singing/acting/performing side of things, but is that ever going to be a stable job??

And my friends...I'm not really very nice to them, and why? I'm not too sure...I guess, 'cause they're not who I want to be hanging round with, I wanna be with Martin lol. And Gemma...I'm confused about her. We got really close lately, and as soon as her and Andi have had some troubles, we've drifted apart. And it's like all the time I do talk to her, she has to convince herself that Andi's nice, "Oh isn't he lovely, isn't he gorgeous, isn't he just the nicest b/f, isn't he sweet." And I think to myself...urm...he's a nice guy, but he makes you cry...hey that rhymes lol. It just seems like she tells me this to make herself feel better, and maybe to make her relationship seem better than mine. Gemma's always liked to boast, but it's like this time, she doesn't win. Yeah, I don't go on and on about how lovely Martin is to her, and that's because I don't feel the need to...if he does something extremely sweet, I'll tell her. Like the other day, an alarm went off on my phone, and he'd set it to say "I love you" at various times. Was very cute. I dunno...me and Martin have a great relationship..I think anyway. And granted, we've not been going out as long as Gemma and Andi have, but we communicate really well, also granted, we haven't had the big first argument that always occurs at about 2 months into a relationship...but I think we'll manage, and maybe we'll not even really have one. I can't see that he'll do anything to upset me, I usually just upset myself lol.

Grrr...

Oh well...I have to go...I'll probably write something a bit more substantial, and interesting...Hopefully lol. Not that anyone's ever commented on this anyway...Am I that boring :-S

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