Straight No Chaser

Views

almost six hundred of them, to be exact. not exactly site record material; still, it's been a slow but distinct crawl up from six or seven views an entry. i get anywhere from twenty to thirty-five now, particularly for each entry following one with any reference whatsoever to sex, and then when i write a boring entry, views drop considerably. it's kind of fun to watch. i'm working on the journal entry of a lifetime, that which will have readers linking their friends and plugging me in forums and, who knows, opening new accounts solely for the purpose of reading it again with fresh eyes. one thousand by the end of the semester, fingers crossed...

or, um, no.

views: the loosely defined center of our first conversation. we were online at the same time the night after the party, and treesje had given him my screen name (which i still maintain was her ONLY contribution to our budding friendship, though she'd like to take credit for everything up to and following that), and he engaged me with one of his now-trademark mute tongue smileys. i remember i was typing with one hand and eating mini-muffins with the other, switching back and forth between on-screen windows and maybe writing my first college essay in between remarks? maybe. anyway, he started to bore me, for probably the last time in our relationship, and i very offhandedly said (typed), "tell me your views."

"my views on what?" was, of course, his immediate question. "i've got lots."

"everything," i said.

six hours later, we were still locked in one of the most stimulating online conversations i've ever had, debating abortion and music and alcoholism and family dynamics, and it was four in the morning and my mini-muffins were long gone, and he says he knew even before then that we'd be friends, but i wasn't sure till he signed off and i felt an instant pang of missing him. literally missing him. i'd spent less than two hours in his physical presence till that point, and only knew his mind through its instant messenger manifestation. i didn't know he was handsome then; i didn't figure that out till the day he fell alseep with his head in my lap.

seems like this'll be one of those entries that dries up the readership for the next few days.

and as that’s the case, here’s as good a place as any to mention that i don’t think i could feel any differently about celeste than grim does now. i told him i’d been waiting on him to have the revelation that other people’s children are never as enchanting as other people. that’s one of the interesting things about prolonged journal-reading: sooner or later, we all make it onto the same page.

tonight: brief meeting, then chicken fingers and physical contact. please please PLEASE everyone, PLEASE cross your fingers that i don’t get canceled on. this time i NEED (rather than want) things to work out.