Sarah's Life

Fell like rambling

Picked up a few CD's today. Got the Howie day CD - it's pretty good. The acoustic version of "Collide" is far better than the studio one - naturally. Perfect break-up music too.

Speaking of the breakup... I guess I'm handling it better than I expected too. I'm starting to worry that at some point it's all going to come crashing down, but perhaps I've finally gotten so goddamn good at these things that I can process them with some kind of sanity. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, or if it means I've finally taken that final step into the "coldhearted bitch" category.

I mailed a particular letter today. Those of you who've I've talked to about "THE LETTER" know what I'm talking about. The rest of you... well, you don't get to know :P I'll maybe let you know via cyberland how it goes over... *crosses fingers*

Today was... eh. bland, and kind of not worth waking up. I fear that I'm going to have quite a few of those days to come. I was scrolling through my cell phone's phonebook and realized that I can't really call half of these people because they're all really Jeremy's friends. Out of something like 30 phone numbers I have, only two of them are really people I can call to hang out with if I wanted to. That was kindof a crappy realization. And both of them essentially work whenever I'm off and are off whenver I work. Crappity crap crap.

I feel like I should be doing something right now. But the truth is, if Jeremy and I were still together, all I'd be doing is sitting in his room watching TV. I'm not sure that was much of a life, but then again I'm not sure this is much of a life either. What I'm trying to say is that I need to get a life. Or start finally reading half the books I always mean to get around to - like all the Ayn Rand books. I've been meaning to get to those for a long while. I also need to really start buckling back down in school - my grades are seriously slipping. But none of that makes me happy. Nothing really affects this cloud of "eh" that has surrounded me.

Perhaps if the letter goes over well... but it won't and I know it. This is the life I've created for myself. Lovely lovely lovely.

Everyone in cyberland should see the movie Saving Grace just so they know the tone of voice that goes through my head when I write "lovely".

Maybe I'll just go to sleep instead of trying to find something to do online. I'm starting to find the internet rather boring. I'm actually starting to figure out why people have aversions to the internet, but I really have nothing else to do except sit at home and either watch TV, read, or bum around online. Sad. I need friends, BADLY.

I'm really starting to hate how bad my grammar has gotten too. Perhaps it is time to brush up on that. Or not. See, that wasn't even a sentence, really. I really just need to start working on writing again. I lost my "muse" a while back and I havn't been able to really write since then. Goddamnit.

Well. I'm not even very good at rambling anymore. I guess that's all I have to say. Dunno. Maybe sometime soon I'll come up with something better.

G'night

~~Sarah


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"What a strange path I took to find my heart" - Crime and Punishment in Suburbia

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