Daily Inspiration

Just what happened from June 2003 to present? Part 1

Here I am at my computer, trying to make sense of the time between June 2003 to present. As I look back upon that time, even I have trouble imagining that everything I remember is real.

Let's begin with June 2003. My worker's compensation pay had been cut off in February, and the money I received as a tax refund had been depleted. Many generous folks donated funds to help, but I was in a precarious situation, I guess. That has to explain my lack of good judgment about love and men - again - in my life.

My son and I moved from Lake Jackson, Texas to Mineral Wells, Texas - a move of about 360 miles - to be closer to my then boyfriend. Ray had offered to help us get set up in an apartment there. He was certain that my son would soon find a job and that, perhaps, I'd be awarded disability income and that everything would work out.

I thought I was in love with Ray and he with me. It seemed the right thing to do. He was the leader of his church's praise and worship team. Soon, Ray and I started a youth praise and worship team as well. Ray worked with the instrumentalists, and I worked with the singers. How wonderful it was to be serving the Lord together.

Then the world came crashing down. Ray was an alcoholic. He had spent time in prison - a fact he had not shared with me from the onset - for drinking and driving. In fact, he had been to prison twice for this. In prison, he played the guitar in the praise and worship team. When he got out, he just knew he could finally kick the habit - with the Lord's help and a great woman by his side. I guess that's where I came in.

But alcohol is such a cruel master. Ray started drinking heavily, and decided one night at 3 a.m. that since he had helped us get settled in an apartment and had continued helping until we had some income, that he deserved to live in the apartment with us. He crashed on the sofa that night, and he must have had so much to drink that he slept for 24 hours. Thank goodness.

He lost his good job, though, and also lost the opportunity to be a church leader. His pastor and other church leaders tried to help him, even coming to the apartment one day to exorcise his demons. Still, Ray continued to drink, and the more he drank the worse he became.

Ray did finally find another job. His pay went from $12 per hour to less than $8 per hour. Somehow, he blamed me for that and not his drinking problem.

My son, fearful as he was with anything new (see "Explaining My Son" ), got two jobs just so he wouldn't have to be around Ray. Derek got a job in the same factory where Ray was working, but on a different shift. And on weekends, Derek worked in the kitchen of a nursing home. I was proud of him for stepping out into the real world, but I wasn't proud of the reasons behind his new confidence.

Soon, it became apparent that we could not stay in Mineral Wells. Ray became quite abusive as his drinking increased. He never hit me; neither Derek nor I would have tolerated that. But he became verbally abusive, financially abusive, and abusive in all kinds of ways I didn't really know existed.

In frustration one day, I called my baby sister and asked her to come and rescue me. Derek and I started secretly packing boxes and taking them to the post office for shipping. We were afraid that Ray might become physically abusive if he knew we were sneaking away.

I finally did tell him that I was planning to go to Michigan "for a while." Both of my sisters and their families live in Michigan, as do my parents. He thought it made sense that I wanted to spend some time around my elderly parents. I had to leave many "things" behind which were placed in Ray's mother's garage for storage, so that he didn't suspect that I would never return.

My son, meanwhile, made arrangements to go and live with his girlfriend and her mother in Memphis, Tennessee. That saddened me. As close as he had grown with his girlfriend, I don't think he had ever shared all of his fears with her.

So, in November 2003, Derek and I went our separate ways. I went to Michigan and he went to Tennessee. And we left Ray in Texas - or so we thought.