Personal Journal

Got a haircut

There was a certain glumness to my day this morning. I got up on time, I got to work early, I was productive. But sometimes I'm someplace... else, thinking.

Tamlyn at work today was telling me about returning the baby clothes she'd bought before her boy was stillborn. And how she would see couples with twins and think how unfair it was, because she couldn't have her boy.

And so I told her about the Melissa Etheridge story, and I cried in her office. It's strange - in most instances, when I journal about something - a feeling, if I am able to come to understand it, I don't have to feel it anymore - it doesn't have to trouble me once I know why I feel it. But knowing all I feel as a result of Jean's death, I still have to experience the emotion until it's done with me, instead.

So I cried at work a little, and as usual, I felt better.

I left to get a haircut, at the sheers of Joyce's daughter. Beautiful young woman. And I gave her creative licence to do what she thinks will work for me, given the fact that I want to wear those hoop earrings soon.

She gave me the best haircut of my life. I'm not kidding. It feels so right! I'm not going to describe it here, though, I'm not that kind of writer. And so I seriously overpaid her, because hell, if I want to be generous, I can be to whomever I choose.

I came home and got ready for my walk. Today it was 24 degrees with about a quarter inch of fresh powdery snow fallen. I love going walking... going to church (I think I'm going to start actually calling it that, rather than equating the two) in that kind of weather.

When I got to the park and took off, my feet were the first to leave marks in the virgin snow. I could NOT believe that. The snow had finished falling at about 9, and my walk started at 2, and still, the snow was virginal.

It made me feel SO good to have all that trail to mark with my boots and my cane. I remember having a smile on my face that I could simply not take off. It was just there. And I started thinking about what god was trying to teach me (because that's what people do in church), and I'm not quite sure. I know it will take time to figure out the whole meaning (or possibly several). But I could not stop myself from being joyous about the virgin trail. I had to accept that it was there for me to enjoy. I'll figure out why later.

And as usual, my walk turned my mood around.