Where's the Silver Lining?

A mixed bag

Yesterday was another lovely day with shirt-sleeve weather and sunshine. For Valentine's Day, Robert gave me a box of chocolate covered cherries, which he knows I like too much. I gave him a pretty card and fixed him one of his favorite meals for dinner: meatloaf and potatoes and cream gravy.

Now if everything else were as nice.

Rene is pregnant so we'll be grandparents again. Being a granny again isn't bad, could be exciting IF we could see the child. I've been there when all the others were born, or not long after. This child may be grown before I ever see him or her. Traveling to the Washington D.C. area is more than just difficult for us, more like impossible. I already have two grandchildren I haven't seen or heard about in over eight years, and whom I may never see again.

I guess I'm not much good when it comes to daughters. I failed somewhere, I guess.

Oh, dear God, please, my heart already hurts so much. I don't want to know how much I can bear. I'm ready to say I give up. I give up.

The problem is I'm not able to quit, to give up. I keep standing back up, a large target for more blows. Maybe some day . . .