Personal Journal

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I’m sitting here for minute after minute, feeling myself falling deeper and deeper into sadness.

My goal today was to stay here until 2 o’clock and start testing my limits. But where I’ve sunk to now, I figure if I do the 4 hours I promised everyone at work, I’ve met the original goal. Doing more than 4 hours, I rationalize, is too high a goal to set for this early in dealing with depression.

Fine. I have about 35 minutes left to go, and energy is being sucked from my essence and wasted somewhere else. I can’t keep my eyes open. I can’t hold my body upright. I’m afraid that someone is going to come around here and talk to me, or worse, check on me. I got my work done for the day, and I’m waiting on others before I can proceed with my next effort.

I feel like letting go, of what I’m not sure.

I’m going to ride out my remaining half hour. And that’s the best I can do for myself and my employer today.


It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn