what matters and why

two cakes and a million presents

He insists that a seven year old needs not one but two birthday parties, complete with cake and presents. Is it horrible, I wonder, to so simple? I'm pretty sure that our son would be content with whatever we could provide for him, regardless of whether it came with a fifty dollar evening eating pizza and playing games. Wasn't that the point of our reconciliation? Together, we recognized that he was happy when we were together, not when we was given every toy and game he ever asked for. It seems like he falls back into a routine of materialism when things go wrong. But when I attempt to protest, I'm the bad person. How can I help but wonder if it would have been better for him to be with someone who shares his financial passion? I will never appreciate that he wants to buy his son everything he can possibly have and more. I will only resent that behavior. Especially now since I am aware exactly how much it hurts our checkbook. Nevermind a savings account. I just want to make it to the next paycheck with insufficient funds. Sometimes I think that as long as he continues to solve problems by spending money, there will never be a savings account. My kids may never have the chance to attend college, or if some emergency comes along, we will go into debt. In addition to all the problems that were never solved because of our lack of communication, now there are the ones that I never noticed because I was living in some sort of fantasy world. Funny how responsibility can open ones' eyes.

I have lost all rights to complain. I chose to stay.