Old Decathlon Olympics Journal

Sunday, Oct. 10th: Retired Military Husbands

Sunday, October 10th, 2004

My husband decided to come home from work today. I was delighted, but shocked. I have been explaining to him for years that working seven days a week is not only not good for him, it is un-American.

He has no clue what I am talking about, because he spent too many years in the military, and most of that time out to sea on one very big boat or another. (I know their not called boats; I just call them that because it makes my husband crazy. Now that we understand each other, I’ll get back to my story.) The real point is my husband is not good at being a civilian. I have actually had to teach him how to slouch. He automatically stands at ATTENTION, until I whisper AT EASE Sailor. I love this man. I love what he stands for, and I hope I have 100 years to try to teach him to be a good civilian. I don’t think that I’ll have much luck, but I sure would enjoy trying.

The United States Military has rules for absolutely everything. And they have personnel that records and writes these rules down including the definitions and interpretations, and another group that publishes these rules, along with all the frequent changes. The problem for my husband is he is looking for the civilian equivalent of a Military Rule Book. I wish I’d have had a camera when I finally got him to understand that there are no rules for civilians; that that is what FREEDOM is all about.

In my opinion, the military spoiled my husband almost to the point of ruining the man. Yes, I said spoiled. They made too many decisions for him. They told him what to wear, when to wear it, as well as where to wear what and when. So my husband is basically addicted to uniforms. One day I told the man to go get dressed and after about 30 minutes I went looking for him. There he stood in the middle of our bedroom floor in his skivvies still trying to figure out what he SHOULD wear. It was so sad it was hysterical. I asked him, “Hon, what do you want to wear?” “I don’t know, what am I suppose to wear?”

Now, I have a stack of matching Civilian clothes from which he can chose as needed.

I have been writing him a Civilian Rule Book ever since. Actually it is a hysterical Retirement Manual for Old Sea Dogs, and my dear husband is my research project. Of course he doesn’t know that either. Shhhhh! Don’t tell him. I have learned the Military really may know what their doing. If they don’t need to know, then just don’t tell them.
It works for me.

Had fun cooking today. I cooked Chili, which is part of what I call my “MAN-FOOD Repertoire”. I will share another secret I have learned about being married to a man that was in the United States Military too long – they’d eat anything. The way to their heart is NOT through their stomach, as I believe the military killed almost every last taste bud they ever had.

I’ve met my word count and I don’t want to bore anybody longer than is necessary, so until tomorrow, I remain,

The Critic