trapped in a soap opera

where do i begin??????

That pretty much sums it up i guess. I'm back in school now--things seem to be going ok so far--none of my classes seem like theyre going to be too bad this semester. Getting back in the swing of things i guess. ok---so to the important stuff.

well....let me start at the beginning. Wed night I went over to Timmy's. he was tired and trying to sleep and i wasnt so i started drinking. well right before i went to bed the last time i said something about "ill make you a deal" what that meant is that i was going to say--lets just have fun today and fri and then fri night i would go home with him and we would discuss whether or not we wanted to try to make this a relationship. i was going to be up front with him about the good, bad and ugly and let him decide whether or not he wanted to deal with all that. Well he didnt say anything so i thought he was asleep and i went to sleep too.

Thursday night we were going to meet at karaoke. apparently michael paul and him had been there since 7 but i didnt get there till about 930. we joked around some drank a little. then he asked me what i meant the night before about the lets make a deal thing. well, i didnt feel like explaining it all to him over the loud music at the bar so i said we'd get to it. he asked me a few times and i gave the same answer. well apparently he started thinking about it too much and just started staring into space for about 15 min. then michael paul was ready to go and they left.
well, we all know me--i dont like to leave things unresolved and he seemed kinda upset about it so i called him. i didnt get an answer so i had patrick buy me another beer and talked to him about it. Well timmy called back right after i got the beer--and i didnt want to waste it so i said id be over when i finished it.

I got there and he was laying on the couch asleep--i woke him up and we started talking about the aforementioned subject. he was kinda bein an ass about it, turning my words around and not really saying anything...kinda pissed me off. finally he said maybe ill give you an answer in the morning--go to bed. well without my sleeping pills and with so much on my mind i decided to drink some (and i told him this) so i took the rum, some kool-aid, and a shot glass out to the car so i could smoke and listen to music. I called a few people and talked to them. thats the last thing i remember.

apparently some time during the night i decided that i wanted to go home. i got about 2 miles from his house--have a faint memory of going in the ditch and steering out of it--the next thing i know i wake up and im laying in the passengers seat of my upside down car. somehow i managed to flip the damn thing. It was about 3 am and i didnt figure that anyone would be coming along and for some reason thought that my car was in the ditch not the road so when a guy came by i had him take me to the house. i woke up mom and was telling her what happened when the police called to ask if i was there. apparently the car was in the middle of the road and everything was about 100 yds out of it so they were looking for a body.

i got taken to the scene, breathalyzed and taken to jail... i had a BAC of .14 and the legal limit is .08. I stayed in jail from about 4am till about 8pm the next day. It really sucked--youre not allowed to have a blanket or any food or anything for the first 12 hours. mom had to bail me out and i have court on wed. i know i have 1200 in fines, DWI school, and defensive driving school. there are other things they can do too but we'll just have to see what happens.

so overall it really sucked but i guess im lucky to be alive cause i flipped my car at about 50 with no seatbelt and all i have to show for it is a few scratches and a bruise on my knee. not having a car is really getting to me though--i hate it. oh well guess i shouldnt have been so stupid (even though i wasnt exactly in my right mind). the funny thing is all that was for nothing cause timmy was so out on nyquil that all he remembers is me getting there and telling me to go to bed--so if i would have just stayed at the bar and then went home (like was my plan) then everything would have been ok. oh well such life (my life anyway).

still have to have that conversation i guess--dont know when. maybe tues when i go home for court or next weekend when im home.

the other funny thing that happened is that he bought some video games and told me that if i didnt manage to find another man before next weekend then i could come over and play them (yeah romantic i know LOL) i told him that i managed not to find a man last semester--what made him think that i would find one in the first two weeks of this one. well that was sort of true--

it was about 530 am on mon (i had been here less than 12 hours)--i had woken up and was trying ot go back to sleep when Drew called. he wanted some company cause he couldnt sleep and remembered that i am an insomniac. so i went over to his room at the TKE house and we gave each other massages and talked. mine ended up being a full body massage (naked) --oops LOL--so i guess i lied to timmy. the funny thing was last semester i had a crush on drew--but he gave me a massage completely naked and tried to take it further than that but there was just nothing there anymore. it was completely platonic to me (just not to him).

oh well i guess thats enough of a book for now--should have written it as it happened i guess. later