what matters and why

a child's perspective

11/23/03
5:45am

This morning the storm woke us up. It was around 5 am. We both laid in bed and looked at each other for a while. He has a fever and had that far away look in his eyes. He was feeling okay, but his body felt very warm. He was dozing in and out, and I watched his eyes open and shut. I remember thinking how perfect he is in every way. How his face has no flaws. His eyes are big and beautiful. He has a great smile and the cutest dimples. I must have done something right in this life to end up with a child like this. I was sure he was asleep at this point, so I turned over to fall asleep myself. It's been hard to sleep lately. Everything in my life has gone wrong in the last few months. About five minutes later, I hear a very soft voice. "Mommy?" I answer back and he says, "How come isn't Daddy here tonight?" The look on his face is sad, and I put my hand on his cheek. His eyes are starting to water. I have been aware that he has been picking up bits and pieces of what's going on, but he's never come out and asked me. Not like this. Trying not to cry myself, I said that Daddy is going to stay somewhere else for a while. I won''t ever forget the look on his face. He is so brave. He tried so hard not to cry while one little tear fell down his face. I held him for a little while and asked if he wanted Daddy to come over and spend the day with him. He answered a soft, "no," and turned around the other way in bed. I don't know how long it took him to fall asleep. I don't know if he laid there and wondered what happened to his parents. He's too young for this. And he's so sensitive, more than most children his age.