Monkeys

Every new beginning

Comes from some other beginnings end

I am lonely. Someone, please make me feel loved and needed. Please?

Sure, I "know" that people love me, and care. But I feel so alone right now. Maybe because it is almost 1am and I'm online talking to people who I love, and they are so happily content with the relationships that they are in. As am I. Difference here? They live closer than 1,000 miles.

I am ready to be there now. The waiting would be over. I mean, seriously, how pathetic am I that I have spent the last several months crossing off days on my calendar, and keeping track of how many days until Josh gets here. I have done this for a very long time. Spent the entire year counting down. Just waiting. And then the day I am waiting for comes. but even whne that day is over, I don't cross it off. I simply circle it. I suppose it is a way of holding onto the days. You know? But in all reality, that day is long gone. And all I am doing is waiting. I don't wanna wait anymore.

Does it sound like I am whining? Well, I am. And I do it because I can. I already feel this lonely, and whatnot tonight, tomorrow is going to down right suck. You see, when I was in KC, I was always the most homesick on Sundays. Because Sundays around my house were always "family" day. And even if we did nothing but fall asleep in the living room for an afternoon nap....then we did it as a family. And I have found that here, I am most homesick for KC on Sundays as well. I miss Josh. I wish I was going to my church in Platte City- although I do have a great church here. I wish that I was goign to see my friends, or go to a CSM BBQ. Or something. It is a lonely day for me. I am dreading tomorrow.

Anyway, I am going to stop whining now, and move along.

Hope everyone has a blessing filled day tomorrow.

Lovingly,
Beckie