The Very Secret Diary of Circe

Milestone of a Sort

**WARNING: Issues galore**

This is going to be a strange thing to be proud of, but I just realised I haven’t cut myself for at least 3 months. And, yeah, I am proud of it. I’m glad I haven’t done it, because I don’t like being that close to the edge. It’s hard to explain the compulsion unless you’re a cutter yourself. If you aren’t then you’ll be reading this thinking who wrong it is to intentionally hurt yourself like that. But if you are a cutter, then you’ll know what it’s like. It’s an escape.

But it’s an escape I don’t want. I don’t want to have to sink to that any more. I don’t want to do it ever again. I forced myself to stop for the stupidest reason: I was going to visit Sena and I didn’t want her to see the cuts. Ridiculous. But the point is, once I got over that horrible feeling that I needed to do it, I was sort of okay. By the time I was in NZ I don’t think I even contemplated it once. I dunno. Maybe it was being surrounded by such wonderful, loving people? *shrugs* More than likely.

It’s still sometimes a struggle not to do it when I’m depressed. I think ‘Just do it. You’ll feel better.’ But I know that ‘feeling better’ won’t last long, and I’ll feel horrible and want to cut myself again. A vicious cycle.

I still have slight scars on my arms. But I’m not ashamed of them. I’m not proud of them either, but they are a reminder. They remind me not to slip down into that again, because it’s not a place I want to be.

Sigh. This entry sounds like I must be really depressed, but actually I’m rather happy. Go figure.

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Jack: Yes, she's safe as I promised, she's going to marry the Commadore as she promised, and you're going to die for her as you promised. You see we're all men of honor, except Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.

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My Fantasy Novel-
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