The Very Secret Diary of Circe

He Said, She Said.....

In my other entries have I made it sound like I thought anything recently was Brad’s fault? If I did, then that wasn’t my intention. He’s sent me email, after email, after email, telling me how over it, and happy he is, alternating between apologies (What for? Not sure) and saying he hates me. All understandable. All things I’m used to from him. I’m not replying though. I just don’t have the energy right now. Not for any of this really.

I’m not really sure where it all went wrong between us. I think it was recently, after ‘the connection.’ I think. I don’t know. I didn’t record any of this down. The civil thing to do would be the reply to the emails, and explain myself. But I can’t. I don’t really know how I would begin explaining myself. I’m not sure there’s any need anyway.

Blllllaaaaa. And I was feeling so good this morning! How annoying. Emails can be real buzz kills. Pout.

Still, it is strangely freeing to think that this fight is it. But he’s quite angry, and I kind of wish he wasn’t. I don’t want him to feel bad. God, that sounds horrible. ‘I’ve ended a friendship, but why does he feel so bad?’ Pathetic, I know.

He assumes I hate him, but I don’t, of course. You can’t just start hating someone like that. At least, I don’t think I can. I still love him, but I just can’t be with him. We are both better off without the other. His recent everyday, every moment, confessions and pain, is just too much. But I also know he’s the kind of person who needs to share things. And I tried to be the one for that. It’s been fine for 8 years, but it’s just so constant now, and I can’t do that. And he’s better off without me. Hell, he’s made that emphatically clear in his recent emails. I’m a liar, selfish, and an energy sucker (Although, that last one could apply to him as well, but this isn’t about blame.)

So why still with the emails? I suspect he’s still holding onto something. Sigh. I don’t want that. When he sent me the email last nigh making his apologies, I couldn’t stand it. I thought I would die. I keep thinking No, no, please no.

But I do love him, and I do want nothing but the best for him. And that’s not me.

~ Circe

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Jack: Yes, she's safe as I promised, she's going to marry the Commadore as she promised, and you're going to die for her as you promised. You see we're all men of honor, except Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.

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My Fantasy Novel-
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