trapped in a soap opera

a weight has been lifted

well i did soemthing today i will probably regret, but may end up being better for me in the long run. I quit my job. ive been soo stressed trying to take care of these horrible classes and still work. one of them had to go and it sure as hell wasnt school. called mom and worked out a deal where as long as i keep a C average (which is lower than im shooting for but gives me some wiggling room) then shell front the last 4 payments on my stuff, and ill pay her back with the money ill get from my loan in Jan. the only thing i have to worry about now is cigarettes and gas. i can probably get her to give me money for gas, and can ride with becky most of the time, so that will be ok, but as far as cigarettes i guess ill have to quit. yuk look out for evil me in the next few weeks-=-but i have the money for them for a while so i have a chance to gradually cut down. who knows if it will actually happen or not--im not known for my willpower. Anyway went to the Habitat for Humanity meeting today. we work on the houses from 8-12 on saturdays---oh yippee but oh well its a good thing to get involved in. some saturdays i cant because of Sean and rock climbing trips but most days itll be ok. so thats my exciting life right now. i feel much better now though because im not so stressed and pressed for time all the time. i got time to actually work on this shit and get caught up.

im really wanting to have sex with perk before he goes but im still not sure as to my sexual health. i need to get laid, and i said i would a few months ago when he was still dating whats her name. i dont know how all that will go whether i will or not. im afraid to cause i dont want him to get that shit from me yet another time. need to go by the health office and get a test done or at least ask if the alcohol would have affected it. for all other guys though i still have the same other problem so theyre out of the question. i guess if i get to see perk ill have to settle for kissing and cuddling now that i dont have my head stuck up Miah's ass. I dont knwo what happened there, but somehow weve distanced from each other. it all started with the messing around--we concentrated more on doing that or trying not to or talking about whether or not we should then being friends. and now i dont get to see him as much. oh well, que sera sera.

well i guess i need to get back to that whole studying thing--and actually get to bed at a decent time tongiht (been going to bed late) later.