Late Night Philosophy

Suicide Coma

This is a poem I wrote just off the top of my head before I talked to the girl I love. I'm not sure why I wrote it or even from what part of me it came from.

But looking on it again, I know that even though these things haven't happened to me, I fear that they might come true someday. That I'll lose everything and all my sanity and irrationally; rejecting everyone.

At least the whole things rhymes, which is a rare event indeed.


I'm sleeping in the hospital
With life from a machine
I never wanted it all
I just wanted to be seen

I took too much too fast
And the world came crashing down
I knew my life wouldn't last
And I'd be stripped of my s*** crown

I am alone and dispondant
I told them I didn't want to stay
That I didn't want my treatment
But they forced it on me anyway

There's so much that I hated
And I didn't want to live
My help came belated
When I sliced with my shiv

Now I no longer hear
and I don't hurt anymore
I know now what I fear
And now it chills to the core

It plays again and again in my head
As the outside world moves on
I see how I've become dead
Inside and everyone's gone

This is my personal Hell
Worse than my waking life
I see now how I fell
Into a world of internal strife

I hope they pull the plug
From my prone, braindead lie
Just a simple quick tug
And maybe then I'll die


I didn't read her this over the phone, although I wanted to, maybe. I didn't want her to think that I wrote this as any kind of response to calling her. Frankly, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it... but here it is, and I think it's good.

I also thought about something curious. Some people have faith in God and know without a doubt that God directly influences their lives and that there's the possibility that prayer can have results. Others refuse to accept that a God or god can change their lives in any way. And yet, there is a middle ground. What if, because one believes in a higher power that can influence one's life and whole-heartedly prays for change, change comes about in an unconscious way. What if our actions are influenced subconsciously in an unnaturally lucky or skillful way? That simply by praying to a diety we can produce internal 'luck' and confidence?

"I can't imagine a God who would care."
"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid."
Bishop, Aliens
Please read my journal "Late Night Philosophy" 
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