The Chill Kid with the Cool Hat

Down the Cape

Well, John at Stop and Shop asked me to work at Dunkin' Donuts on my day off last week, so he gave me Saturday off. Two days in a row off, what should I do? I figured I would go down the Cape. I called up Shaneen and told her. She was all happy and such. She said she was looking forward to me coming down. I jokingly said "Well, I suppose we can have a makeout fest when I get down there." Expecting a laugh, I got "Hey, I'm single now, so no problem!" SWEET!!! Hung up the phone and packed a few things in record time. Off I went to go down the Cape!

Got there and hung out with Shaneen, first we were going to go to the movies, but it didn't really work out that way. We got there and Shaneen wasn't really up to it. So we hung out at her mum's house instead. Then we went home and were watching tv. This is where I took my chance. Had my arm around her, no big deal. Then started rubbing my hand on her arm, ok getting better. Then moved my hand inward to her chest, jack pot! Or atleast I thought. She didn't feel it since she had padding there, but then when she realized, she kinda freaked. "Nick! You can't do that!" Awww, why not? "You just can't!" I said I was sorry a few times and she assured me it was ok. She said with the age difference we just couldn't. Me being 17, her being 23. She said "If you were 5 years older, I'd be all over you!" I would give anything to be 5 years older right now. (sniffle)

I felt kinda like an asshole after that for the next day. Assholish and lonely. Shaneen seemed to be kind of avoiding me a little too. But then other times we would watch tv with my arm around her. It just sucks. I remember back to when I first started this journal. My girlfriend Erin at the time. I couldn't date her because she was way too young. I guess I put Shaneen in the same kind of position.

I want her to know how much I care. How much I just want to hold her and never let go. Every inch she walks away from me, hurts more and more knowing that we aren't together. I think "Everything I do" by Bryan Adams sums up how I feel about Shaneen. I don't think I could any less about the world around us as long as she would be with me. Now how the hell do I get her to know that without scaring her off?


You can't tell me it's not worth trying for
Can't help it, there's nothing I want more

I'd fight for you
I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you
I would die for you

You know it's true
Everything I do
I do it for you