The Chill Kid with the Cool Hat

Orientation for Bridgewater!

What a blast. Overnight orientation for college. Started out fantastically. 1406 incoming freshman with 73% of them girls. Oh yeah! I was in Group G with Orientation Leaders Shannon and Rich. Rich was alright, Shannon was awesome. She kicks ass. Befriended a few people in that group, Pat and Matt. Matt's a cynical kind of guy that likes to fight and think evil thoughts all day from Brockton. Good guy. A little fucked up at times, but oh well. Pat's a chill guy from New Bedford. Irish and all, has to be good. Got his, and two of his female friends screen names. They're pretty nice (also very decent looking) but I lost their screen names! Evilness. I'll just have to get Pat to get me them again. Me and the girls talked for awhile waiting for Pat and Matt to finish registering. I think they have kind of a thing for me, but I made sure to acknowledge that I had a girlfriend! Got to be happy with that, Andrea, I mentioned you atleast 4 times in the span of 3 hours.

Me and Pat came to a revelation that all rape cases are caused by guys being uncomfortable. A Campus Police Guy asked us if we'd let a complete stranger stay in their dorm on the floor. No one raised their hand. Then he asked if one of your friends had 4 people staying over, but could only have 3 stay in their dorm, would you let one of them stay in your room. A bunch of people raised their hand. He then told us this true story of a girl that did that for her friend and let a guy who was a stranger stay on her floor. She woke up in the middle of the night and was being raped by him. Sad story. But could it have been prevented? Yes.

The first thing is that this guy isn't really a complete stranger. He's friends with your friend, so he isn't as much as a stranger as some bum off the street. Also, unless this girl was a deaf mute, she probably asked for his name. So atleast first name basis was there. So they weren't complete strangers.

The second thing is, this could have been prevented. She let the guy sleep on the floor. Do you have any idea how uncomfortbale and cold a floor can be? No wonder all this happened. There are two situation on how this rape case could've happened. First off, the guy could've been on the freezing cold hard floor and became insanely jealous of the girl who was sleeping in the bed. I mean, how couldn't he? Nice warm soft bed right next to where you're trying to sleep and this bitch won't share? How rude. First though in his head: "I'll teach her to put me on the floor!" and tada! You've got a rape case. The second way this could've turned out is the guy is on the floor and can't get to sleep. So he gets up (since he is uncomfortable, he has no problem moving to search for a more comfortable position) and gets in bed with the girl. He just happens to notice that the girl sleeps in the nude, so, to make her comfortable, he takes off his clothes too, just so she won't be the only one sleeping in the nude. Anyways, right there two naked bodies in a bed produces a crime of opportunity. Bam! Rape case.

This all could have been prevented if the girl wasn't such a bitch to make him sleep on the floor. If she said to get in bed, he would've got in and fell asleep. When you're in a comfortable position, you don't want to do anything. Rape is completely out of the question. It could make her kick you out of the bed, which would lead to uncomfortableness. Do you want that? Fuck no! Ofcourse in this case, kicking him out of the bed would just cause him to try and rape again, but that's besides the point. I mean, atleast give the guy a chair to sit in, then he'll be semi-comfy. Then he'll be thinking about rape, but he'll be just comfortable enough that he won't want to get up and rape someone.

This theory of uncomfortableness leading to bad things doesn't relate to just rape. It can lead to any evil acts like murder. A perfect example of this is those delivery guys. Starch shorts, faggy outfit, driving a car with no door. They are very uncomfortable. Have you ever seen one driving by? They look so pissed. That's why they go postal. They are incredibly uncomfortable. It's worse than sleeping on a cold hard floor. The real question is though, who has it the worst? Most people (including myself) would assume the UPS guy would be raping and killing everything in sight. I mean, c'mon, Shit colored uniform. It's embarassing and uncomfortable. So he's the one you would expect to be the trouble maker, right? Wrong. If you look at history (mainly just 70's porn films), you see that the UPS guy is always getting sex handed to him on the spot. He goes to a house, a woman opens the door, they do everything in the karma sutra and then some. Don't know about you, but that sounds like a comfy guy! That is why the most dangerous delivery guy is the Fedex guy. He has a pretty cool looking uniform. You wouldn't expect anything like that from him. Or would you? He does have cool colors, but that's still an immensely uncomfortable uniform and if you look back at history again, there has never been a Fedex guy getting some just for the hell of it. Everyone suspects the UPS guy, but it's the Fedex guy you really need to watch, He's the most uncomfortable of them all.

All that in 2 days of college. I'm proud of myself!