Varying Shades of Gray - My Life

05-23-03

Well, I am sorry. I deeply apologize I receiecved some bad crticsim on the deleting of my original post, the other day. And though, it was the way I was feeling at the time, I still felt it was a bit harsh for you, that's why I deleted it and changed it.

My loving and caring friends have been been so good to me this week.Not that I deserve it, but I won't get into that, again.

I have finally come to terms with the major issues that are bothering me. The first one is probably so obvious.

#1 - I miss JC. But I am not about to ask him to move back here, with his credits he has up there. Plus, even though I seriously do not think it would happen, I do not want to hear the phrase, "I gave this up for you, to be here, with you." I want JC to succeed, more than anything in the world.

#2 - As the time draws closer, to say "goodbye" to JMC, that is killing me. He has been approved for his scholarship, pending his final GPA, after summer classes. I have known that this day would come. But, as it gets closer, I find myself being more and more resentful. "Wishing I hadn't helped him so much." Not that I am not proud of him, for I really am, because to me, he has always said, "I would not be doing this without you, Storm". So yeah, I am in a catch 22, situation. Yeah, I'm being selfish, now :(

#3 - The one friend, I wish I could help, the most. If he was here, life would be as near as perfect as could be expected. He owns all of my heart without even knowing it.

Okay, I will quit whining for now. Have a good day, all.