trapped in a soap opera

ok i think im bored

Im currently reading all the previous entries just to see how much my life has changed in the last 3 mos--yeah i think im bored. I guess i should be looking for a job but just cant get motivated today. Besides until i do some stuff on the lawn, i have no gas money--barely made it to school and back today.

thinking about heading to UALR in may instead of august. theres a lot of problems with that theory though. i really need to stay around here and work pretty much full time so i have some money. im afraid that my car is going to bite the dust so i wont have transportation to and from here to see sean and wont have the money to fix it, afraid that i wont be able to find a job (though i think it would be easier than tryin to find one in the fall when everyone is at school) and wont be able to pay the stupid bank loan that arthur fucked me in the ass on, just a lot of different shit. yuk yuk yuk.

nothing on my computer is working right i think i have some viruses or something--none on my boot record and major shit cause i was able to get the emergency pre scan on norton to work, but the fuckin regular program wont download--the drives are apparently case sensitive and it is convinced that the C drive is the c drive--no matter how many times you change it, it always changes back. doesnt do it to any of the other drives so who knows what the fuck is goin on. Tells me the drive name is invalid--well duh if you would quit changing it then it wouldnt be. oh well

no one in our acting group is showing up for rehersals, so most of the time were sittin on our asses bein bored with it--our part is goin to suck ass, but oh well shit happens.

been meeting lots of new and interesting ppl on the internet--some are kinda boring but i just dont talk to them much. I sorta hate it though, cause its so hard to get to know me on here--everyone gets hung up on i was a dancer or whatever. i dont fit into any fuckin categories, including that one. yes, i was a dancer, but far from the stereotypical one. Everyone just wants to take one part of me and decide thats who i am. Theres fuckin 4000 other sides. its just so frustrating!

anyway somehow, even though I stayed at perks last night, to avoid april fools jokes so far. I actually cant believe he didnt pull something or for that matter that greg or anyone didnt when i was still there at 2 am. I guess im kind over that lil emotional spree i was on there for the last 2 days. Thats just me though--specially with perk--some days i can see myself with him, some days im like leave me the fuck alone so i can go flirt with everyone else. I finally figured out why i was so jealous last night though. It wasnt really because of anything except that her being over there just punctuated the point that he has all these ppl and i only have him. that was pretty much the whole thing, just took me a while to figure it out.

well this is gettin long
late