trapped in a soap opera

on the outside

fuckin dumbass women. I love Robin, but she just needs to start gettin used to not bein with Greg. I know she loves him, and he loves her--but hes me without tits. Shes too good for him, just like Perk's too good to be fuckin with me. It doesn't matter how much we love someone, there is just this total inability to be in a relationship. its like as soon as the label is put on it, we cant stand bein in that "box" and have break free. theres also the sex thing--its like when we're depressed we cant have sex with the person we're with--its the whole emotional shit. You're tryin to avoid emotion and having sex with them you have to have emotion. Its really hard to explain--if anyone else has any fucking clue what im talking about besided greg then tell me please--i feel like the worst kind of scum on earth but am really helpless to stop myself. Gregs movin to New Mexico in May and hes not takin robin as much as she wants to go so why prolong this shit any more than they have to. they broke up tonight, but now shes at his house talkin to him--if he lets her back im gonna kill him--i know how it is--you love the person and don't want to hurt them--can't stand to, but hes not helping her--its just going to be worse later. for those of you who say that im doin the same thing, fuck you--i am at least being totally honest with Perk. Whether he is in denial about how much of an asshole i really am is his own fault--i have told him everything, except the whole attractiveness thing--which really doesnt have a lot to do with it. what he does with it is up to him. i need what he offers me, but if he couldn't handle the whole fucked up relationship thing that we have goin on, I wouldn't hold it against him. I would try to back off.

back to the point of the title though. like i said Greg and Robin broke up. Perk is stuck in the middle cause he's friends with both--and that really sucks, but you knwo what also sucks--loving both of them and bein stuck on the outside. Seems that's the way it always is--wish i would have just took echo up on that offer to smoke tonight--i came home fairly early (2am) but im in no mood to go to sleep. I hate that I'm always on the fuckin outside. you would think Greg would talk to me since we are in essence the same person, yeah perk talks shit about understanding and maybe he did at one point, but he sure as hell doesn't now. I've tried to talk to him and he just doesn't. well i really need to go to sleep i guess. This whole situation sucks a big fat donkey dick ha ha
ok so that wasnt funny but i really dont give a shit--as i said in the intro no one is makin u read this. Im not a prissy bitch. lots of times what i say and what i think isn't very pretty.