Varying Shades of Gray - My Life

02-18-03

Hello all. Sorry it's been awhile since I've made any entries. I've just been busy and tired, alot.

Well things are still going good for JC and I. :) He told me that he is almost ready to start writing in his own journal, about us. :) That should be interesting. Even though we've talked about our meeting and the building of this relationship, I am curious to see what exactly his thoughts were and how he was feeling, also. I haven't done much work on my side of the story, sorry. :( But I am gonna try to do some more.

I've seen DA. He's doing about the same, even though he has swore that he hasn't done "that bad thing", since his last time. I believe him and he has proven it to me, so I hope that he continues to progress away from that. I actually have made some contacts with a service here, that helps people with low incomes, so that he can get some counseling, also. I even told his mom that I would help her pay for it, if she cannot afford it.

I see JMC last night. He's doing okay, too. Now. He had a bad weekend. He was having doubts about continuing his schooling. I think we got him past that, though. :) He was also depressed most of the weekend and was feeling really bad about himself and was having doubts about other things. I did my best to try keep him encouraged. But, things have worked out for the most part, I think.

I got to chat with BOH briefly last night, also. After reading his journal yesterday, I was going through a range of emotions. Upset, hurt, pain, anger, rage. He had a super lousy weekend. :( If I could have, I would have immediately gotten him down here and away from there and out of that situation.
I wish that I could have been there for him, to protect him. But here lately, I feel so bad because i haven't been online much and available for him, like I said that I always would be. Sometimes I feel as if I've failed him or am failing him. :( He is so precious. I would do anything in my power for him. I don't know, I think sometimes that I'm a curse upon them all, BOH, JMC and DA. I certainly haven't been as available for them, when they've needed me, lately. :(
BOH did tell me that he wasn't that bad though. I hope he was right. But still, that doesn't change the situation that happened. He is an angel and I will always love and care for him.

Other than all that, things have been okay. JC came down on the 13th. His cousin DC and IV got married on Valentine's day. (Well, as married as they could) I have often wished that i was n politics to make things easier for Gays/Lesbians in this state/country. Equal rights. It makes me so sick to hear people say that we want "Special" rights. No! we want EQUAL rights!! There is a difference, people. Oh the stupid homophobes of thsi world. Well, just all the stupid people, actually. "They're all too stupid to live and too dumb to die." That's a quote that I've used for years.

Well, guess I will close this one for now. Love ya'll and have a GREAT day! :)