Varying Shades of Gray - My Life

12-17-02

Well, had a session with JMC today. Also had a serious talk with him before the session. I don't know, he didn't really seem too surprised, at least not like I thought he would. He actually did quite well, considering. The session went well and I was informed that I would NOT have my Friday visitation with him this week. :( when I asked why, he said that he is getting out on Thursday. :)
With BOH, I'm still very very concerned with him. He is still self-loathing, right now. I hope that when i chat with him, that I really am saying the right things. that maybe, even if he doesn't get them right now, they'll hit him, later. God, I am trying. Wheteher he realizes it or not, he is NEEDED on this earth. And I don't just mean by me, either. Even though yeah, I need him too. :) But there something great ahead of him and for those around him, in the future. I can't explain it. But he is going to make such a HUGE and POSITIVE impact. There is something, that he bring so much happiness to people. All I can do is try to help him. And I will.
We had a talk tonight and talked about our pasts. There are some very similar incidences. I feel that we really are alot alike. (BLEH) Lost my train of thought, thanks to the damn phone.
Here's something that happened Sunday night actually, forgot all about it yesterday due to other things going on. i had actually laid down at 9:30pm and ready to sleep like I could probably get a full night's rest. Well, the phone rang at 11:15 and woke me up. That's when I heard JC's voice on the machine, so picked it up of course. Well, my cheerfullness went down the tubes really f***ing quick. He had signed in to see if I was online and he had an invitation from someone to join his buddy list, so the nice guy that he is, he accepted. When the woman intorduced herself, he knew who it was, immediately as we had chatted earlier in the day. It was the woman that had wrote me and ended our "friendship" earlier. Well she told him that I'd been out at the club cheating and messing around on him. Curiously, he went along and asked for details. She said that the Friday night after Thanksgiving. (he asked if she was sure about the night and she said that she was absolutely POSITIVE). Well she continued to go on about how I was out there, all over and kissing another guy. (Well for all she know it could've been him, since she doesn't even know what he looks like.) And then that I'd left with him. She said that she thought he should know this. Well his EXACT words to her were, "You know? you're nothing more than a LYING, TROUBLE-MAKING, BITCHY LITTLE CUNT. What you've just said is impossible, because he wasn't even at the club that night and I know that for a fact because he was WITH ME!! Now, F*** OFF!!!!!!" then he immediately blocked her and called me. He kinda laughed because, as he asked what specific night she was referring to, he immediately knew that she was just trying to cause trouble and she was busted before she even got started.
I will admit, that while he's been away, I have had a couple of infidelities. BUT, I have told him about them. We had discussed that before he even left in the first place. What she didn't realize was, obviously, unlike her relationship, we had a relationship built on love and trust and honesty. And it was built on a strong foundation to begin with. Because as he said, even if I had said what I was accused of, if THAT destroyed her relationship, then it wasn't a strong relationship and wasn't built on a strong foundation, to begin with.
Last night, I actually seen an old friend online. (laughs because I don't know all her initials) so I'll just call her Lil' D. She used to live here and worked at the club that I go to. She is an amazing woman and a fighter as she has had several battles in her life. Anyway she has been doing really well. She sees the owner of the club and her other half frquently, from what I could tell. :) She's got someone special in her life too. then we started talking about the similarities between us and our relationships. LMAO. OMG it's scary. Anyway, it was really good to chat with her. Don't see her much. I am glad that all is going well for her, though.
Well, I guess that's it for now. have a good evening all.