Sarah's Life

An interesting day.

Well, today would be the first day in my life that I have activly cut class. I called myself in today, and I've spent the day at the library working on a paper that was due today, that I was too busy/depressed/annoyed by/etc. to do earlier. So instead of admitting that I'm a procrastinating loser, I decided to become one of those losers who cuts class and uses the time to make up the stuff she procrastinated on.

*wow*

So anyway, it's the first time I've done something like this and I'm so damned positive that I'm going to get caught. *shite*

In other news... I'm basically still unable to type much about anything else. My brain isn't communicating with me again, other than to discuss random theories that have nothing to do with what's actually going on up there. I have so far determined that techno music is the only genre that has music for every mood (upbeat and depressed), and that christmas music is the solution to everything.

But that has nothing to do with how I am, and what I'm doing and why I feel like shit all the time.

So then why can't I actually communicate how I feel? It's not for lack of wanting to, it's just that now, as always, I don't have the ability to put my thoughts into words. I never have the words I need to express my brain's thoughts and stuff that goes on up there. And alot is going on up there. It goes beyond just losing a friend. It goes beyond seeing a friendship that had lasted 7 years go down the drain. It's just this sinking depression that I know the only solution for is Jackson, and that solution is 1028 miles away, and 2 weeks from getting any closer.

The day after I 'lost' Cody I had to restrain myself from crying on multiple occasions. I would put my head down to silence the pounding in my skull, and I would just come so close to crying... and not because I had 'lost' Cody - but because I would put my head down and wish SO MUCH to feel Jackson's hands just comfortingly move to my shoulder... and they wouldn't, and I'd remember that he's still 1028 miles away, and that just plain SUCKS.

*grumble*