Varying Shades of Gray - My Life

12-08-02

:( okay, whatever, i'm here. Yeah, I'm still in the funk.
i don't even know why I'm writing anything really, i guess for my "faithful" readers, LOL. Nah, I really do appreciate everyone who is reading this.
Well, here goes; I haven't talked to BOH, still. I have seen him sign in a couple of times, but before I can message him, "poof", he's gone. :(
It probably wouldn't be so bad, but he's one of four people who when I sign in, immediately "sign off" or ignore me as others have. I'm not saying he is ignoring me, but I have so many crazy thoughts running through my head. "Is he mad at me?" "Is there something that he doesn't want to tell me? Or can't?"
maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here. Hell, maybe he's grounded from the puter again and has to get offline really quick.
As for the others, "Hey, if you don't wanna chat, just say so. If you're busy just tell me." I mean, one of the worst ways for someone to hurt me is just ignore me. If I have done something to piss anyone off, I wish they'd tell me so maybe we could work through it. I have ALWAYS felt ANY relationship, regardless of of friend or love, requires COMMUNICATION. I honestly can't think of anything I've said or done that might've pissed anyone off. But hell, who knows?
The others, yeah it bugs me, not chatting with them, but oh well. BOH, now that one is the one bugging me. But, I am not totally freaking out like last time. I am very curious as to what's going on, though. the last two times we did chat this week, there wasn't a lot said. I've sensed a "change" since last weekend, when JMC was here, or went back into the clinic. I don't know, maybe I am just being too sensitive to the situation.
I did chat with JC last night and again early this morning. He said that he hadn't seen BOH online either, but then again, JC isn't online all that much.
I got to chat just a little with JPS. :D He's a sweetie, too. He was stressing out about his job today. I REALLY hope that he got things figured out.
It was good to chat with him, again.
Well, with the mood I've been in the last several days, I have a quote of the day, so to speak. It's actually from a song, but it is "So F**K your rules man, here comes my fury"
I don't know why, but that is just the way i am feeling right now, today. I HATE feeling like this.
Oh well, as another of my favorite quotes go, "S**t happens. If it didn't we'd all be constipated"
Well, guess I'll close this one for now. See ya'll later. Have a great evening.