Spasmodic Contemplations

Just Another Day

Okay, so today was our second day of school, and I have to admit that there really wasn’t anything special about it; I just felt like writing in my journal. There’s something hypnotic in that clacking of the keys...maybe it’s just me. Anyways, I just went through the day like I would any other, going to my classes and sitting there, trying to comprehend what’s being taught, talking to my friends, ya know, the usual. But I kept feeling happy for some reason; well, not exactly happy but a little on the better side anyway, despite the dream that I had last night. My first two classes are cool, mostly because my friends are in there with me. After that, it kinda goes down hill. It would be really bad except I think me and this guy friend that we hang with a lot are starting to get along better (I hope). I mean, maybe it won’t be as bad as I expected it to be. We’re all excited because Lord of the Rings is coming out on video and DVD tomorrow (woohoo!), and we were talking about getting together and watching it. That movie is definitely worth watching over again...and again...and again....lol, yeah. I love it. The only thing I can really complain about is my usual--all those people that I have to see every day now, pushing my way through the crowds, having to wait forever just to get to my locker, hearing all those ditzes talking about their clothes and hair and blah blah blah. Wow, isn’t that weird? I don’t have much to complain about for once! Actually I could say more, but I’m just not in that kind of mood right now. I’m sure I will be one of these days soon. I’m about ready to see that movie...

I so don’t have anything to talk about! I mean, it’s our Senior year (finally!) and we’re just chilling. Well, I’ve been looking up some college and scholarship stuff, but besides that, I’ve been pretty laid back for my usual self. I don’t know...I’ve been thinking about this whole relationship thing lately. It’s just sad, that I’m 17 and still waiting to even have a decent boyfriend (I have some doubts about that first long-distance thing...think maybe he was gay? LoL gah). I’m not so desperate as to take anyone I can get, like anyone would take me in the first place. I’m trying to be patient and wait for a decent guy that can think for himself; there’s more that I want--I suppose I’m just very picky. But these guys around here must be too, because they haven’t shown any interest in me. Gee, I wonder why. They all tell me that it’ll be different in college, but I’m starting to wonder about that. I don’t know if I want to wait another 7 or 8 years before I even start dating, but it’s looking like I might have to. Isn’t that kinda pathetic? Seriously, it’s not like I’m trying to be a slut or anything; I just want someone that I can be affectionate with, someone who I can talk to not only as a friend, but on closer terms. I really want someone that I can hug and hold hands with and be romantic (because I am truly a hopeless romantic). I’m getting tired of being alone and always being the single one. Even though a couple of my friends have very long distance relationships, at least they have that. At least they have someone to talk so closely to, someone who they can trust, someone to love besides family. And at least they know that they’ll see their loved ones one day, which is something that I don’t have. I guess I’m jealous, but it’s not that extreme--not to the point that I would act on it. I just want what they have, and I’m getting tired of waiting. I know I have been for all these years already and that I can wait some more, but it does get kind of frustrating. I wish I could express how I’m feeling a little better; I’m sure this is boring you...but how can I? Writing isn’t my thing really, and well, I’m not exactly forcing you to read it anyway. If there really is anyone who is reading it that is...I seriously doubt that. All this typing and thinking has made me more depressed, so I’m about ready for bed now. Maybe things’ll look better in the morning, who knows? Maybe I’ll get to watch Lord of the Rings tomorrow or soon thereafter. That is something to look forward to. So I am going to go to bed now and leave this for some other time.