Spasmodic Contemplations

Missing Out?

To my friends if you're reading, I did not write this to offend you in any way, and I am always willing to listen to you.

I've been finding it difficult lately, to listen to my friends talk about "the loves of their lives." I don't know, it's not like I'm so envious that I just want to split them apart; I would never do that. Actually, I'm happy for them, though I'm starting to build up this resentment of long-distance relationships,hehe. But anyways, to hear them talk about their loved ones makes me feel depressed sometimes. It makes me feel like I'm really missing out on something big, and I suppose I am. They tell me that I'll find that one guy someday, and I know I will, but I haven't yet. And here I am, listening to them talk, reading their love poems, and feeling happy for them and sad for myself. I feel (isn't there some other word than that?) very guilty for having that attitude, but I can't help it. I mean, they are my friends, one of them VERY close, and I love hearing them talk, seeing what they have to say, and telling them what I think. In a way, I sometimes feel like I owe them my attention because they accepted me when no one else would. I'm not doing so well expressing what I want right now...gah, how aggravating! I don't want them to stop talking to me at all; sometimes I do enjoy learning how things are going with their loved ones, either by just talking to them or by reading the stuff they write. I just get feeling down because I don't have what they do--someone who loves them and with whom they can spend the rest of their lives with. I guess I do sound pretty jealous, but I'm not going to act on it. I'm not that way. I'm sorry, please don't take offense to this; I just had to get some of it out...