Effective Venting

Cry Tears

Yes, I haven't been inspired at all lately. My emotions have led me to be calm, thoughtful, but never write anything which sounds good. Now I feel I must tell you my life, my sorrow. Picture a crowded lunch room, loud with the buzz of many voices. I sit with my friends a I have since the second week of school. Parallel to our table is the group of football players. They bark at me, taunt me about our collar....and then for a long time they ignored me, and I was happy, until today, when I nearly lost my cool. Talking with each other, food came flying our way from that table. A piece of chicken hit me....and I looked over to the "appointed leader" who began the taunting, glared at him, and he stopped. But still....this just....hurts and confuses me. They know I'm not one to be toyed with...I wish they would all just leave me alone. One of the football players, I know....he sat across from the leader and watched it happen... knowing I was there. He sat and watched because he does not want to be different, or insulted.....he woudl rather watch others like me, who suffer every day. Yes, I'm sure he thinks I'm used to it. I'm not, and I find myself crying bitterly. All I've ever wanted, was to be alone, lost....not have to know that faces turn away from me in disgust, hatred for someone they don't even know... I wonder why now, why me? What have I done to someone I don't even know? I've defied their ways, but why the constant torment that haunts my mind? The barking, the insults all get to me after a while....and I can feel my reserve breaking down, and I feel just sad. A hole is being eaten from my heart, and now I am forced to bite my lip until coppery blood leaks from my lip, just to keep from crying, or raging. I need air, room, open space. I think I'll go now....and calm myself, and I will post again.