what matters and why

forbidden

She knew that there would come a time when she wouldn’t not be able to consider him a companion as such. That it would come so unexpectedly soon was what she did not know. She hadn’t anticipated what would happen, or how drastically it would change her life. And that she would lose touch with not only him, but for a while, with reality. How could she have known? If only she’d taken the chance when it had presented itself and expressed to him what an important part he’d played in her life. If only she’d opened up a little more and let down the walls. Forever it will be unfinished and closure would not come as far as she knew. She hated it that she would never be sure how intense it was on his side, and was what she’d felt mutual, or just a thing. She’d been so young, and immature. She’d only thought of herself, then, and as a result would never have that chance again. When they’d met, she’d imagined it to be forever, was sure that he was the one, and would never leave her life. She thought there would be more time that eventually she could express to him the way it was. And that they would both grow older, and realize things that had previously gone unspoken. Time, she had thought would play the biggest part in their lives. She never could have anticipated the turn events would take. And that those events that initially seemed hopeless would turn into the life she’d thought to be perfect. The envy of all those who knew her then. And who knew that she could ever be so happy. Yet her only regret was not knowing and having left that time in her life without really closing the door. And since it was open, it never really leaves her thoughts. They come in and out occasionally and she can’t help but to wonder where he is now and if she ever crosses his mind. And if he ever wishes that it wasn’t the way it was. That things could have been different. And had he known she would leave so soon, would he change the events during that time. Would he have tried harder, would he have wanted her a little bit more would he have told her what really went on inside his head when he thought of her? She would forever wonder why she hadn’t closed that door.