The Absence of Wavelength and Sight

Fret And Survive, A Loveless Regret

Fret And Survive

You gave me hope when I was punching my way through life.
You, not the romantic, mothered me. I couldn’t see a wife.
But, day in, day out, hangs on 3rd street taught the unspoken.
We knew what we had…maybe why…him? I could only watch.

Delusion buried me inside a purchased brown-black grave 
before owing explanation; took my own lover. Stupid?
Thinking…this time…you had to watch, but I would feel foolish
learning between your actions and words, you were hurting, too.

I had to show you that part of me, the most powerful, learn
what you and I had missed. How I yearned, felt your stare
in the doorway to my room, frozen, unprepared to move,
and you hightailed to another, he rarely there, forbade.

denied all I never dreamed, you say I romanticized

I never wanted to steal you from another lover
Decisions made, purple rain poured out in each refrain —
but, dark, down and drowning in liquid of any color
Velvet vocals reverbed, scream-bleeding love betrayal

Ticking time still red stained, my chords could yet bleed purple,
I’m witnessing the brown and black near, moving about my grave
Regret not persisting, when held at bay before I knew
Could’ve lost who I was, unfeeling, sucker punched by life

With that six-string fret, frozen, seized by my own denial,
held that note, my tablature speaking just the same
I loved you more than any other, when that rain returned again
holding that note so long, it’s a wonder this survival.


Not going for rhyme at first, decided to give this quick, lopsided something lyrical, which I may take further. A little double play on fret not fully realized.

Same girl, different approach, same story. Overplayed, romanticized, she says.


Work in regress
My roommate actually had designs on her, vulnerable, not in her league, forbidding me like some Romeo who would hurt. If memory, he got the two together, assuming if he couldn’t have her, I wasn’t going to get any closer. I saw her linger too long, one day. I knew but it was my word that caused hesitation, while getting played…he and the other guy, both jealous of me, both forbidding. They cut me off from friend foremost. I’ve only had two true friends that made me a better person in my unknown neurodivergent funk that gave my roommate opening to passive aggressively diminish me, cut me off from all, not just her. Events with shared friends occurred without my knowledge or theirs. Nothing got me more than the obstacles to her, if she could see, why she broke off our meets because of him, but eventually it was okay again. I put myself right back in prison, hurt that she would allow me to visit but pawn me off on one of her friends. So, no one to call but her with a flat tire he and her came out to help me change, because it was rusted to exile hub. In a cold late 1991 night in Marquette, MI, we would all go to a favorite restaurant. I grew nervous, knowing he didn’t trust me, and further settled the matter when I couldn’t find the words to thank him. I’m sure I didn’t pick up the tab…no money. One last angry phone call from her and I was completely alone. This guy, Mike would be out of the picture. She never said. My roommate lost his marbles again, lost face, trying achievement like me, college, two jobs, but wound sneaking off with my former employers van and cops were called. Still an ignoramus, in the public radio station where he stole all my friends and cock-blocked, I heard our new news director reading the story of his arrest on air…not mentioning he was a former employ at the station. Dude was a bit smug, he knew my roommate, too. Felt like a conflict to read that story, or air at all. When he left, I pulled it so the on-air staff couldn’t read it. Caught, they busted me by terminating my job at end of semester. They didn’t need a reason. They just didn’t have to renew. Punitive. And I was looking out for someone who was more roommates, drama queen backstabbed, after several months, I left all his stuff on the porch, his dad was confused when he picked it up. I had a new roommate but a new reason to feel a heal, villainous.
She and I had a chance, if she had said she stopped seeing him. Many poems about our last hours, failed stories, not revisiting again.

T̵̢̝̗̰̪̠̹͗̾̾h̵̥͉̲̠̍̽͛̌͂̆̚ě̸̗͓̱̺̮̣̽͆ Ab̴̦̄̈͐̾̑̚͝s̸͉̻̃͘ě̸̗͓̱̺̮̣̽͆n̴̝͚͎͔̘̰̅ͅcě̸̗͓̱̺̮̣̽͆ o̷͍̥̣̺͋f̶̭̱̘͇͊͋̾̋̄͆ Wa̴͙͓̓̕vě̸̗͓̱̺̮̣̽͆l̵̩̘̯̪͋͒͒̉͒̄ě̸̗͓̱̺̮̣̽͆n̴̝͚͎͔̘̅ͅg̸̫͙̻̭͐͝ț̴̵̢̝̗̰̪̠̹̈́͌͆̑͋͂̅͗̾̾h̵̥͉̲̠̍̽͛̌͂̆̚