My Conversion Story Journal

December 18, 2024

I moved to the community to be more observant. This means that I am staying kosher at work as well as at home. It is not hard to do most of the time. Access to kosher food is so much easier here in the community than it was in the middle of the country.

There has an overflowing amount of Christmas activities and group events to show Christmas spirit at work. I, of course, do not celebrate Christmas. I made snowmen for my classroom door and did a winter themed word scramble, and I even signed a card with the inscription "Happy Holidays." However, I could not drink the hot cocoa that was brought around because it was not kosher. I could not eat the candy cane they wanted to give me either.

I feel bad, like I'm ruining their happiness by not accepting these things, but I can't. Yesterday a colleague brought me a box of cookies. She knows a little bit about kosher laws because she worked in a Jewish school. However, she doesn't know them all. She had previously tried to give me a candy bar that wasn't kosher and caught her mistake before she handed it to me. The box of cookies had a lovely inscription that said, "Happy Hanukkah." It was sweet.

The cookies were decorated in blue and white with pretty sprinkles and swirly frosting. They were wrapped sealed with one or two in each pack. However, there was no kosher symbol on any of the clear packages, so I couldn't eat them. I gave them to my students. I feel so guilty. Like not accepting these things makes me a hypocrite.

I eat kosher food. My kitchen is set up (the best that I know how) to keep the food I cook kosher. I buy kosher food from the store. I cook that kosher food in my kitchen. However, once I cook it, it is no longer kosher. My dishes are not kosher. I am still converting, so I am not a Jew. I cannot cook kosher food without it becoming treif (not kosher). Even though I understand that I am living as a Jew (the best that I know how). Every time I turn down someone else's food, I feel like a hypocrite. I don't want to eat non-kosher, but I don't want to be a hypocrite either.