Complex Numbers

Need for Speed

Today, from the Land of Party Poopers (actually, from Thrillist):

    No, That Isn't Duct Tape on Your Plane's Wings  
An aircraft mechanic explains what the tape you sometimes see on plane wings really is.

Why Party Poopers? Well, because they're taking one of my few precious joys out of life.

See, I don't fly all that often. Once a year, maybe. (Okay, twice, if you count the round trip as two trips.) So I don't get to do this often, but when I see that tape on a plane, I usually wait until the plane starts to taxi away from the gate to loudly exclaim, "Hey, look, the wings are being held together by duct tape!"

I also find the fake outlets   at waiting areas incredibly hilarious, though I've never done that prank, myself.

Those are little moments of happiness for me, but this article sucks the joy out of the first one. Well, at least, it would, if people actually read Thrillist. Maybe my faux-freakout over the tape will still have its desired effect.

Anyway, after all that, I'm sure you're dying to know what it really is on the wings.

As a passenger, noticing that your plane's wings are seemingly held together by the same silver duct tape that your dad uses to fix anything around the house is, by all means, a frightening sight.

Or, you know, it would, if duct tape weren't so damn useful.

"That's not actually duct tape," says an aircraft mechanic in a TikTok video addressing the issue. "That's speed tape, [...] and speed tape is an aluminum-base tape that's designed specifically for aviation due to the large speeds and the large temperature differentials that aircraft are subjected to."

I actually knew that. But knowing that it's called "speed tape" doesn't help for shit. Like, from the sound of it, it should make the airplane go faster, but if that were the case, the whole plane would be covered in it, right? If it has something to do with the "large speeds" (eyetwitch) as well as temperature differentials, why call it speed tape and not cold tape?

Instead, sometimes, it's used as a temporary sealant to prevent moisture from entering specific components.

Uh huh. Okay. Doesn't tell me why it's called speed tape.

"Speed tape, also known as aluminum tape, is a material used for temporary, minor repairs to nonstructural aircraft components," an FAA spokesperson told Thrillist.

And it's called that because...?

Yes, I know I could ask some random AI the question and get some kind of answer, but that's not the point. The point is, why can't the article purporting to explain all about speed tape not even bother to explain why it's called speed tape?

You can relax now and enjoy your flight stress-free.

HA! Like there aren't 498 other things about flying that cause stress.

Oh, right: 499 if I'm around.