Complex Numbers

Story of the Century

Speaking of time, here's a Guardian article about people who had more of it than usual.

    Never take health tips from world’s oldest people, say scientists  
Scientists still trying to work out why some people live beyond 100, but agree it is best to avoid taking advice from centenarians themselves

No, we should definitely take health tips from people who die young, instead.

The death of the world’s oldest person, Maria Branyas Morera, at the age of 117 might cause many to ponder the secrets of an exceptionally long life, but scientists say it could be best to avoid taking advice on longevity from centenarians themselves.

Far as I can tell, the secrets to an exceptionally long life include such gems as "stay alive" and "don't die."

According to the Guinness World Records website, Branyas believed her longevity stemmed from “order, tranquility, good connection with family and friends, contact with nature, emotional stability, no worries, no regrets, lots of positivity and staying away from toxic people”.

Also, unicorns and fairies. I mean, those are probably more real than her litany.

However, Richard Faragher, a professor of biogerontology at the University of Brighton, said that in reality scientists were still trying to work out why some people lived beyond the age of 100.

Because they didn't die.

Or, in some cases, because they assumed the identity of their deceased parent so they could go on collecting the... whatever benefits.

Faragher said there were two main theories and they were not mutually exclusive.

The first, he said, was that some individuals were essentially just lucky.

At some point, though, lucky stops being "you didn't die" and starts being "you died."

The second theory, he said, was that centenarians had specific genetic features that equipped them to live a longer life

So, a different kind of luck. But still luck.

Faragher said both theories, however, resulted in the same warning: “Never, ever take health and lifestyle tips from a centenarian.”

Certainly, if I'm unlucky enough to live that long, I'd troll the hell out of anyone asking me about health tips. "See, now, the key is to kick a puppy every day. Doesn't have to be your puppy. Doesn't even have to be the same puppy. But it's gotta be a puppy, not a dog. Or a kitten or a kid. Puppy."

He added: “What you see with most centenarians most of the time – and these are generalisations – is that they don’t take much exercise. Quite often, their diets are rather unhealthy,” noting that some centenarians were also smokers.

What would amuse the hell out of me would be if no exercise, diets considered unhealthy, and smoking really were the keys to long life.

“The fact that [centenarians] do many of these unhealthy things and still just coast through [life] says they’re either lucky or typically very well endowed [genetically],” he said.

Again, both of these things are luck.

Faragher added that many of the mooted possibilities for why centenarians live longer could actually be examples of reverse causation. For example, the idea that having a positive mental outlook can help you live for a very long time might, at least in part, be rooted in people being more sanguine because they have better health.

Glad they acknowledged this. I mean, they could do studies to gain insight into it, but apparently it's more important to promote "positive mental outlooks," especially in a world falling apart all around us.

“From about 100 years ago, what we started seeing was huge advances in life expectancy driven by improvements in reducing the likelihood that children die,” said David Sinclair, the chief executive of the International Longevity Centre, noting that was largely down to the introduction of vaccinations and clean water.

Well, that lasted about a century.

“What we’ve had over the last 20 years, and we’re going to see over the next 20 years, is a similar focus in terms of old age,” Sinclair said, adding that included improvements in vaccines for flu and shingles, statins, and other medications that would help increase life expectancy among older people.

Sure, because, obviously, life expectancy is a more important metric than life quality.

But he said governments also needed to take action to help individuals to make healthier choices – choices that would ultimately help them live longer – adding that many people lived in environments where it was difficult to exercise, eat well or avoid pollution.

Ah yes. "Want to live longer? It's your fault if you don't, even though you're economically stranded in a polluted area with little access to fresh food, thanks to our policies. So instead of fixing economic disparity, despair and environmental degradation, we'll make it illegal for you to eat cheeseburgers. There, we fixed it!"

As Sinclair said, while news stories about centenarians tended to be upbeat, it often emerged that such individuals faced challenges, such as living alone for many years.

Challenges? Hell, that's probably the real reason they lived longer: not having to deal with other peoples' bullshit all the damn time.