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What I want out of this. |
I have not done one of these in a while. Maybe I should write more often. But I find it rather exhausting. Sometimes I find it easy to just stay quiet and hope that, whatever is wrong with me at the moment, goes away. For it to never come back up. But here is the thing. It always seems to come back whenever the hell it wants. And that bugs me. Tonight... I don't know what is wrong with me. You would think that if I feel some sort of way I would be able to fix it... But I don't really know what is wrong with me. I picked up little Robert from his dad's and then I dropped him off at his girlfriend's house. He is 25 years old. I knew that at some point he was gonna leave me and live his life. And I was okay with that. But there was always something that I did not like about his girlfriend. I could never pin point it. And at one point, I told myself that it was because she was taking him away from me. Which is soooo weird to even think about it that way. Little Robert is this innocent kid that never had a normal childhood. Never had girlfriends, nor friends, nothing that a regular kid would have at a young age. So I always protected him, even from the family. When he finally got himself a girlfriend, it was because he was working. Which essentially forced him to get out of his room, his bubble and socially interact with people. Thus, came Riki. Weird name, but who am I to judge. She seemed like a good girl. She would come over and they would stay in his room and just "kick it" One day he tells me that he finally lost his V card and that things seemed to be going well. Well... It was supposed to be. He then told me that she wanted more then to just "kick it" in his room, something that he was so comfortable doing. He knew he had to take her out and live life. His room was not something Riki wanted to stay in throughout their relationship. Which is fine. I get it. You have to go out to continue to grow in the relationship. Here is my issue. She ended up cheating on him! Not even a year of dating and the evil woman cheats on him. Why? Because the guy had cute dimples! What the hell! After my nephew got out of his bubble and started to live, actually live. And the first thing he learns from walking out to this world, is betrayl. And not just by anyone, but the one that he fell in love with. All she can say "I'm sorry" Bull crap! That was planned. The reason why I know this is because Little Robert, my nephew, told me that they had sex at a hotel and that he found some pictures of her! My nephew's response to this: "I'm going to fix this." WHY? I still don't understand. But the thing I have noticed is that now he is with her 24/7. He no longer stays at the house and I don't know how I feel aobut this. Like I said, I know he was going to leave me one day because that is the natural thing to do. But I am not comfortable with the woman that he is planning on moving in with. I know that I cannot protect him but be there for him, should anything occure. But It's bugging me that I am not able to stop him from making a big mistake. She is bad news and all I can do is sit back and watch Little Robert try to fix his relationship. Now, I sit in my room, sad and alone. I don't know if I am feeling sorry for myself or feeling bad for my nephew. Why should I feel sorry for myself? Because, even if he is trying to fix this reationship I am alone with no one. At least he has someone? What is wrong with me? It is hard to be alone. I've been with my nephew for years. Even though I am with no partner of my own, little Robert, in a way, was my companion and now he is gone. And not in the hands of a woman that, I believe, is good for him. Can people really change? I hope for his sake that she does. What can I do but to move on and hope that he will be okay. He knows that I am there for him but as of right now all I can do is watch him from a distance. I guess that's it. Does this make me feel any better? I dunno. I guess. |