My Conversion Story Journal

September 21, 2024

A day doesn't go by that either I clear up a misconception or start to question everything I know about something. I think I need to understand the difference between what is a Torah commandment and what is a custom for that particular thing. One example is lighting candles.

I have been lighting candles to usher in the Shabbat (or turning on battery operated ones) for more than a year now. As far as I knew, women were the main ones to light candles (unless a man lived alone). I always thought we were supposed to light two candles whether married or unmarried (one for you and one for your soulmate). I even read articles about lighting two candles in your dorm room.

Recently, I have heard and seen that only one candle should be lit by a single woman and she only lights two after being married. Even after getting divorced, she never lights less candles than the previous Shabbat.

In both cases, lighting another candle after having a child is an optional custom, and the more children a married couple has, the more candles are lit.

This just leads me to even more questions because I am a convert. I am divorced. I have four children. However, once I finish my conversion, I am told that it is the same as being a newborn child. My children will not be halachically mine (even though they will be physically and mentally). Does that mean I should light one candle? Should I light 5 candles? Should I light 2 candles?

Then there is the new question of where to light. If I am not going to be home for Shabbat dinner, do I light where I am eating, or do I light at home and go to dinner? I always thought that lighting should be done over where you are going to eat Shabbat dinner as part of bringing in the Shabbat, even if that was not at home. I have learned that others think differently.

Why is something that seems so simple now so complicated?