GWEEP!

The Cutesy Critters Christmas Nativity Play (Part Two)

The Cutesy Critters Christmas Nativity

Part Two

The curtain closes and a screen is lowered. We hear the recorded strains of 'Little Donkey'. Onto the screen are projected various selected scenes from 'Shrek'. Donkey's parts are dubbed into Swahili. Helpfully there are also subtitles on. These are in Japanese.

After this unexplained interlude the screen rolls up and curtains are opened again. The stage has become a winter scene. We are treated to the sight of three guinea pigs each wearing a small crown and dressed in fine robes (Sewn by Kenneth the Guinea Pig - You may have seen him in 'Famous Fred' (1996))

They are sitting in a sledge, and peering around curiously.

GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): This. Isn't quite what I expected.

GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): Why do we keep going up and down?

RALPH: Road humps.

TOBY: Road humps?

RALPH: They couldn't afford camels.

[Ralph and Toby look expectantly at Graham.]

GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Gingle Gells, Gingle Gells, Gingle All The Way! Gweep!

[Rosie swings from one side of the stage to the other]

A QUOKKA NAMED ROSIE: Do not be afraid. No hang on that was the shepherds. Hey! Can you stop me swinging about so much please.

Thank you.

Hello Three Wise Guinea Pigs from Buddleigh Salterton. I bring you news.

Hello Graham. [Rosie waves enthusiastically]

[Graham blushes and is nudged knowingly by Ralph and Toby]

ROSIE: Ahem!

Here is the news, coming to you every hour upon the hour.
Here is the news. The weather's fine but there may be a meteor shower.

Hang on these are lyrics from an ELO song.

Oh here it is.

Ahem!

Something important is happening in the town tonight and you being wise guinea pigs and all will have to take presents to give at the baby Saviour reveal.

GRAHAM: I've already bought mine.

TOBY: What did you get Graham?

GRAHAM: Dandelion leaves.

TOBY: What? I got Dandelion leaves. You can't have them too.

GRAHAM (Reasonably): You can't have too many dandelion leaves.

TOBY (Thoughtfully): Hmm! True. Ralph, what did you get?

RALPH: A simple peasant dish of pate de foie gras, with a fresh baguette and a bottle of Coteaux de l'Aubance to set it off perfectly.

GRAHAM and TOBY: Oh good grief.