GWEEP!

Guinea Pigs Meet The Ninja Monkeys

Regulars in the WDC Newsfeed cringed, and one or two quietly logged off, as they heard the familiar squeak of Adherennium's unicycle. He weaved slowly in, casually dodging the odd snowball that was lobbed his way. Then he sounded his new horn, bought with the misapprehension that it would be 'fun' for those sharing the Newsfeed. It made a sound optimistically described as 'Parp!' He was dressed in a red tunic with tails, and golden buttons and braid, to be a little festive you understand.

Three guinea pigs were tumbling around as he juggled them, their expressions could best be described as 'long suffering'. Despite frequent petitions to TSFTCOTTUGP (The Society For The Cessation Of Things That Upset Guinea Pigs), nothing seemed to stop these crimes against cavies.

There was a sound that could best be described as the gentle glug-glug of a small 3-in-one oil can. Then there was a noticeable absence of squeak.

GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): Did you see that?

GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): What's that then?

RALPH: Down there. I saw a shadow.

There then followed another sound, this perhaps best described as 'Hup', 'Hup', and 'Woohooo!'

NINJA MONKEY ONE (Call-Me-Maybe): Hello Guinea Pigs.

GUINEA PIG THREE (GRAHAM): Gweep! And who might you be?

CALL-ME-MAYBE: I'm a Ninja Monkey. You can call me Call-Me-Maybe.

NINJA MONKEY TWO (Money-For-Nothing): And I'm Money-For-Nothing.

(These lines just write themselves you know!)

A QUOKKA NAMED ROSIE: Hiya. I'm Rosie. I'm a Quokka. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Oh hello, Graham isn't it?

(Graham blushes - REALLY difficult for a guinea pig)

RALPH: Not to be rude, but what are you lot doing here?

MONEY-FOR-NOTHING: We're here to offer our help with the Christmas Merit Badge Giveaway.

CALL-ME-MAYBE: And our tricks are free!

ROSIE: And I thought I'd just tag along because we want to invite you to Dinner at Andre's on Christmas Day.

GRAHAM: You and the monkeys?

ROSIE: Well them too, but I meant me and Gwendolyn and Teresa, only we were going to suggest a barbecue, but I'm not sure what they are and they don't suit salads anyway.

GRAHAM: You mean "Invalid Item" ?

ROSIE: Yeah, we've got a table booked and everything. You've got to come.

CALL-ME-MAYBE: Ahem! This is all very well but we want to know what we can do to help the MERIT BADGE GIVEAWAY?

TOBY: Well there are some people waiting about in rooms ostensibly playing sardines.

MONEY-FOR-NOTHING: Are they well packed?

RALPH: That's the problem - there are some empty rooms, and none of them except perhaps number 1 are what you'd call like a well filled stocking.

Did you hear that Toby, I said like a..

TOBY: Yes I heard, very festive Ralph.

I'd like to come to Andre's Rosie, count me in.

CALL-ME-MAYBE: I've got an idea. Why not get folks to press-gang, 'invite' their friends into the rooms.

GRAHAM: That's a good idea.

I'd like Christmas Dinner at Andre's too Rosie. Thank you for the invite.

CALL-ME-MAYBE:

ROSIE: Ralph? You've got to come too. (Slyly) Gwendolyn said to particularly make sure you said yes, only she made me promise not to tell you that bit.

RALPH: She did? Ooooooh. Yes please then, I'll be there.

CALL-ME-MAYBE: If you've quite finished. Thank you. So the idea is that people can email or add a comment, and nominate their friends and people they vaguely know or met once and thought...

MONEY-FOR-NOTHING: They can invite anyone to a room, and that person will get a free badge, and be in for the draw on Christmas Day.

CALL-ME-MAYBE: Perfect!

And we'll be there too thanks Rosie.

Then with a 'puH', 'puH' and a 'ooohooW' The guinea pigs were alone. Adherennium continued his unicyclular reign of terror, but without the squeak.