My Conversion Story Journal

April 24, 2024

The expectation of the Passover Seder: I expected Passover to be a rigid occasion with so much focus on strict rules, readings, and movements. I expected everyone to be tense and serious. This expectation made me nervous. Very nervous.

The challenge: I packed the night before and waited until the cat got out of the suitcase the next morning to close it up. I didn't mind waiting for the cat, because I needed to put my siddur in the suitcase after morning prayers anyway. I pulled into the parking lot at work and heard something break and start grinding. I was sure I had a flat. I got out and didn't see any flat tire. I crawled on the ground in my dress and saw a metal piece of something above the back tire that was making the noise. If I had tried to drive a distance on it, it would have given me a flat. I taught for a couple of hours, then, on my prep, drove my car a block away to the closest shop to the school. They said it was the heat shield and it was "something that happens all the time" and "no big deal". Honestly, I don't know how something can fall off a car and it be fine without it, but I also have no idea what a heat shield is and what function it would serve. They kept the car to look at the fluids and check out a noise just to be safe since I was driving a long way.

I walked the block back to school. I made it right as lunch was starting and students were ready to come into my room to hang out. I continued on with the day (4:00) and expected to pick up my car at the end of my work day with full fluids and to be told that it is really rusty underneath (which I already know). The garage knew I had to leave around 4 to make it to where I needed to go on time. I received a call at 3:00 that my starter went out. They had just tightened a belt and fixed the hole in the exhaust. They took it for a test drive and parked it in front of the garage. They decided they wanted to check the fluids for me, and the car wouldn't start. The starter had gone out.

They told me that they would work hard and fast to get it done on time so I could make it to my Passover Seder. They did get it done just in time for me to drive with one very short bathroom break on the way.

This was not the end. As I was driving, smoke and lights were filling the road in the distance. I did not know if it was a controlled burn for construction or an accident.

The reaction to the challenge: When I heard something break, I had he option to cry (which is usually my first reaction to bad news). I had the option to give up and not try to even make it (it would have been understandable if I did). My heart, instead, went immediately to call upon G-d, so I did. "G-d, you are directing this journey. If you want me to be there, you need to guide me and make it so I can be there. If you don't want me there, then I won't be."

What are the chances that my car breaks down with something major as it is sitting in the hands of a mechanic parked in front of his garage? I know if they had not wanted to give it a good look over, I would have been at a rest area and stranded. I wouldn't have made it to the Seder. I might not have made it down there at all to either of the Seders.

As far as the fire on the highway: It turns out the grass was on fire in multiple places for about a mile of the road. Luckily, it was was on the other side of the highway which was separated by a cement barrier due to construction. I passed everyone that slowed down to stare.

The reality of the Passover Seder: I made it to the house where I was staying with maybe ten minutes to spare before candle lighting. It was a night (long night) full of laughter, joy, tradition, stories, food, great company, and acceptance of my abundance of questions. Going through the Haggadah (the Passover Seder instructions and the story of the exodus from Egypt), was an experience that was fun, magical, and holy. It gave me the chills every time we went through the list of what G-d had done. He did a lot of miracles in such a short amount of time. It was an uplifting experience that I am so grateful to have had the chance to experience.

Thank you Hashem for guiding me, loving me, and giving me so much more than I deserve.