Complex Numbers

Going to the Dogs

One thing that always strikes me about New York City is the scale of the dog infestation.

I'm pretty sure that having a dog is a requirement of living here. I wouldn't be surprised if people are issued one when moving in: "Welcome to New York. Here's your dachshund." At the very least, even though the internet is telling me that having a dog in NYC requires a license, I'd bet they charge you a fee if you don't have a canine.

And the furry barking tail-waggers are everywhere. At any given moment on a typical block (on the Upper West Side, because I can't be arsed to take a subway ride just to support a blog entry), there are at least three dog-walkers on the sidewalk with an average of two dogs on leashes. Doing some quick math leads me to believe that not a single resident of the city is dog-free. Maybe they occasionally just appear in your expensive, cramped apartment via wormhole, complete with a regulation 6-foot-or-shorter leash and a roll of plastic doggie doo bags.

At least New Yorkers tend to be good about using both of these items. Whether that's out of a heightened sense of civic duty, or because they have a healthy fear of the NYPD, I don't know, and it doesn't matter, because the result is the same.

This isn't a case of "stop liking what I don't like." It's not that I dislike dogs, any more than I dislike kids just because I don't want to own one. Although I can't be arsed to do all the work a dog requires (and I absolutely will not pick up dog shit, with or without gloves), I understand that a lot of people want to hang out with the mopey, needy quadrupeds. It's just that I know what the housing situation tends to be around here, and, even with daily walks, having a retriever in an apartment the size of my spare bathroom can't be good for the dog.

Not only that, but right now, it's pretty close to the middle of astronomical spring. This, right now, is one of two weeks of the year when it's actually pleasant to be in NYC, the other being the week of the fall equinox. Between these two events, in one direction, it's either pouring down rain or oppressively hot, or both; in the other direction, it's either pouring down rain or snow, or oppressively cold, or both. And yet, every day, you gotta walk those dogs. Twice, at least. While juggling the three jobs and two side gigs you need to afford to live in NYC.

I get that some people want to live with dogs. I get that some people want to live in NYC. I'm just left shaking my head in confusion over the intersection of the two.