My Conversion Story Journal

April 21, 2024

This was the worst Shabbat that I have had, but I don't really want to focus on what went wrong. I have so many things to look forward to this week, that one bad Shabbat can't be my focus.

I do not have a kosher kitchen (which I have talked about repeatedly), so cleaning to prepare for Pesach doesn't really make sense. However, I wanted to try out a few things and learn what foods I can and cannot eat. I tried to use up all of my flour. I used up everything that I normally had, except the special flour that I bought for Grandma Ditza's Semolina Cookies. Grandma Ditza was one of the hostages kidnapped on October 7th. She was also one that was released in the first round of negotiations. I don't remember how I came across her recipe and the website with her information on it, but I'm glad I did. Not only will I think about the hostages every time I make the cookies in the future (which I will because they are surprisingly delicious and easy to make), but I will think about what I can do to give to someone in need and be thankful for for the chance to do so. My life has repeatedly touched by people that I have never met and these cookies (as weird as it may sound) is a small reminder of the impact that I can have one others, even if it's just giving some cookies that I make.

Recipe to Grandma Ditza's Semolina Cookies: https://www.oogio.net/ditzas_cookies/

Tomorrow, after work, I am going to a friend's house to stay for a couple of nights and experience my first Seder. As I have been going through my kitchen and taking inventory of what would be considered no kosher for Passover, I also have had to think about what I am packing for my stay in the community. I do not want to bring in anything to the house I will be staying that is not kosher for Passover. It wasn't until my prayer tutor L mentioned toothpaste that I asked about it. I already had planned to buy a new toothbrush, but I didn't think about toothpaste. I never thought about toothpaste as needing to be kosher at all. Colgate is kosher for Passover. I bought a tube and set it aside with the new toothbrush. I usually use Aim, which apparently is kosher for Passover. What makes toothpaste kosher or not kosher? I understand corn starch or other grain in toothpaste would make it not kosher for Passover, but is there kosher toothpaste for daily use? Is there toothpaste that I shouldn't be using?

With the wars going on right now and the hostages still in captivity, it seems ridiculous to worry about what kind of toothpaste I should be using. At least it does on the surface. It only takes me a moment to switch my thinking though. Everything I do at every moment impacts the lives of others. Just like at Grandma Ditza's cookies. Everything I do, from the moment I wake in the morning until the moment sleep takes over me at night, should be done with a focus on honoring Hashem. If Hashem cares about what toothpaste I use and when I use it, than it has to matter to me as well. Do I think that buying a tube of Colgate will have a lasting impact on anyone? No, I don't. But that is not why we do things. If G-d says to do it, we do. Did Grandma Ditza know that when she made her family semolina cookies that a strange woman on the other side of the earth would be using her recipe and thinking about her when she did it? No, doubtful that she did.

As work has become overwhelming, and learning has become overwhelming, and these feelings and emotions and experiences of conversion have become overwhelming, it has been a nice to take a step back and remember that every moment of every day has a purpose and an impact one someone's life. Even when we think we are living our most insignificant moments, as long as we are serving and loving G-d, we are changing the world for the better.

Have a great Pesach.