Scrivenings of the King-Beyond-The-Wall

Fantasy & Fairytales #23

Ugh, this place is an absolute disaster. I can’t find anything anymore in these piles of junk. And just who’s idea was it to just leave things strewn about? I should have organized things. But nooo, I let all this gold and silver and platinum and gemstones and pearls and jewelry and magical items get strewn around like a complete slob! I can’t even see the cave floor anymore, much less move around and make use of my various caverns for the purposes which they were intended.

I know I have a problem. I know if I don’t fix it myself, my hatchlings are going to call one of those Hoarders shows and tell them to put me on it. I do not want some random crew traipsing through my mountains of coins and rooting through my treasure chests asking me if each individual item “sparks joy” or not. Of course it sparks joy; it’s treasure! And the problem with all of those other people on hoarders is that they collect junk. My stuff is legitimately, by definition, valuable. And I don’t think anyone is advocating that I throw out things that are actually valuable, right?

Although, come to think of it, money clearly isn’t an issue for me. I can pay someone to help me fix this. Maybe I can get one of those detail-oriented hobbits to help me catalog everything, and then I could start storing it at an offsite cave. I know I said I’d never spend the money on a storage cave, but I’m just not willing to part with any of this stuff. I’ll probably need a gnomish tinkerer to help me devise a lock and special security system for my offsite hoard...

I also considered that maybe it was just time to upgrade my accommodations. I mean, I’ve been living in the same cavern system for the better part of a millennia and maybe it was time to upgrade to something a little bigger. That probably sounds crazy to be thinking about getting a bigger place just to be able to store more stuff, but I’m pretty proud of my hoard and after the modest caves I’ve been living in for so long, don’t I deserve something a little nicer for myself? Plus then there’d be room for my hatchlings to stay when they come home to visit. Or stay, as I was pretty sure that one of them was going to end up coming back to live with me after not being able to hack it in the real world. Geez, you run into one crusading knight and suddenly everything is scary and intimidating and you don’t want to live on your own again.

Yep, I think I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to find a bigger place to live. Time to start checking the draconic classifieds and the underground housing rental boards to see what might be out there. Of course, transferring the hoard itself to the new place was going to be no small challenge in and of itself...





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(513 words)


Prompt: Write about a dragon who doesn’t know what to do with their hoard anymore.