Dissociated Thoughts

Getting Through Today

First of all, let me just say that today sucks. Just like yesterday sucked and tomorrow will likely suck. It has already begun. I just spent thirty minutes typing out today's blog entry for it to just disappear into the nether regions of the interweb instead of publishing the post like it should have. Oh well. Par for my life.

Tomorrow is the memorial service for my Grandma. My Mom and her brother and sisters decided on a memorial service rather than a funeral, so this is what we are going to do. Yeah, I'll get to see family that I haven't seen in a long while, but why should the death of a loved one be the thing that brings us all together?! Couldn't we have come together at a more pleasant time? It is what it is though. I have no control over it. Just like I have no control over how I feel. I can only control what the world sees and Boy! do I ever do that! So, this entry is much shorter than the first one I tried to post, but I have no desire to retype everything all over again. I have no desire to do much of anything of late. Can tell that the depression is sitting inside, poisoning my mind. What's new though. It has been a roller coaster ride of highs and lows for most of my life. I'm not allowed to die yet so I just exist from day to day. Getting through one day just to wake to the next and do it all again. Such is my lot in life. I'm chasing after that dream of a good day, I suppose. Get through the day, get through the day. Work helps because I go into auto-pilot and don't have to think or feel. I don't have to show the real me.

Oh well, gonna get through today so I can try to get through Grandma's funeral tomorrow.