A Soft Murmur, A Lighted Pathway

Chapter 3 - Abuse Occurred

When I was married to Derrick Nelson Hollingsworth, I spent many years being told that I was fat and ugly. I put up with this because I felt that I had to. Being raised in a Quaker Church, I felt I had to honor my marriage vows. When a person gets married, you were to remain together for better or worse, in sickness and health. Before moving to Tucson, Arizona, he told me that there was a church that he liked, and he wanted me to go there with him. When we got there, I attended the church but he didn't. He was a dishwasher. It seemed odd to me that he would change jobs every week. I trusted him throughout the years. When I lost my job, I discovered he had been taking women around in our car. Even though I had been suspicious about this, I didn't have a clue that this was happening. He was hardly ever home. I noticed that he had pulled up in the parking lot of our apartment complex, so I went out to see him so that I could talk about what had happened. On this very night, when I approached the car, I had an unwelcoming surprise. A woman was in there and said, "Who in the hell is that?" This was after I saw them kissing. He said, "That's my sister." I was stunned by his remark. Later I asked him what he was doing kissing her. He said that he wasn't kissing her but that he was trying to help her remove a contact that was in her eye. I thought to myself, "Does he think that I am stupid?" I know what I saw. I've heard about every excuse in the book but this one had to take the cake.

I went on a job search at a nursing facility. I thought that they might be able to use somebody to write letters to their family or friends when they weren't able to do that. I started to fill out an application when a resident said, "You don't care about us, you just want the money." This was far from the truth. My feelings were hurt, so I decided that this job wasn't meant to be.

I sunk into a deep depression when Derrick denied the fact that I was his wife. I started to feel bad about myself. Every other word out of his mouth was an "F" word. I didn't think that it would've bothered me as much as it did. I felt that I didn't matter to him anymore. After a while, my confidence level went down. I felt angry inside, but rather than talk about it, I stuffed it inside, which wasn't a good thing to do. I don't recommend that anyone should do that.

There was a time when the phone rang. Of course, I picked up the phone; it was a "normal" thing to do. The person on the other end was a woman. In a very sexy voice, she said, "Is Derrick there?" I said, "No, he's not, may I take a message?" Then, she said, "Is this his sister?" I said, No, I'm not, I am his wife. She hung up the phone after that. I don't remember the time frame, but it wasn't long after that when I moved out of our apartment.

I moved in with Sally Winthrop and her husband, who were a Christian couple. It seemed like I had to pay too much for groceries. This was working for a while before I was hit with a bombshell that I didn't expect. Sally informed me that her husband had been in prison before and that I wasn't able to stay with them any longer. She said that he was starting to hit her. Since I still had the key to my apartment, I was able to pick up some of my belongings. I was terrified that I would get caught being there by Derrick. On the middle of the floor, I saw a coffee can with my retirement money that I received from work. I grabbed that right away. Being that Sally's husband worked for Peninsula Truck Lines, I was able to have my belongings sent to Washington State where my mother lived.

Before it was shipped, I stayed with another Christian couple by the name of Andrew and Rosemary Webster. They were able to take me to the airport in Tucson, Arizona to fly over to my mother's house. I had to tithe ten percent of my income before they would do that.

My father, Christopher Alan Flowers, passed away during this time. Derrick didn't tell me that he passed away until the day after he heard the news. It was a long flight home for me. I could've come home sooner, but I wanted to get my paycheck first. I felt sad that I had waited. If I had gone home sooner, I might have been able to see him alive. He was in the nursing home and he wanted to see me. When I saw him in the casket, he looked very thin. I was shown a picture of him having a long beard. I was shocked; I had never seen him with a long beard before.

I was in a mess when I flew home from everything that I had been through. After living with my mother for a short time, a family member by the name of Raymond Agustus Bloomingdale phoned the mental health facility on me. I ended up staying in a rehabilitation center in Port Angeles, Washington. I had a hard time living there but there had been some good times too.

I was thankful that I never got hit when I was abused; it was all verbal. There was one time when Derrick was practicing with his kicking. I happened to be there at the wrong place at the right time and got kicked in the rib. I ended up having a cracked rib. It seemed to have been an accident, even though I wasn't exactly sure that it was.

This concludes the third chapter of my story. I decided to come open about my experience since it's best to talk about it, rather than keeping it stuffed inside of me. I'm hoping that it can help someone who may have gone through the same thing or similar.

I arrived in Washington State in 1986.

Written by Anna Marie Carlson
Preferred Author
Friday, February 2, 2024