Wanda's Ramblings

Sober Living

Sober living has saved my life to be sure, but it definitely is not for everyone. I have lived in some type of communal living for most of my life, so it was probably easier for me to adjust than most.

My first experience with communal living was when I was 11 and went into an orphanage because my mother abandoned me. I was young enough and already a chameleon, so I seemed to take to it pretty easily.

I would go back to my mother for a year and a half and then was placed at a “Children’s Home” in Denver after she called the cops to tell them she still could not handle me. They still did not have anything they could arrest or incarcerate me for, so they placed me in a institutional type children’s home. There we were subjected to all types of abuse. From beatings from the staff to the staff ignoring actions by other inmates. I say inmates because we were treated as such.

I would go on to be placed back with my mother or grandparents many times but always wind up being placed in another institution, group home, foster home, or other communal type environment. I never had the experience of living a normal home life and had no siblings, so I was always a loner in a crowd. I learned to not trust and be ready to fight anybody.

Eventually I wound up in a psychiatric hospital for about 18 months and then broke out of there and hurt my mother. I was then placed in youth corrections for 2 years for that. The youth corrections facility was the final straw and capstone to a life of powerlessness and violence. But, unlike the other places I had been at Lookout Mountain School for Boys was a whole new experience. In reality it was a prison and several inmates were killed or severely beaten while I was there.

After I survived all of that, anytime I have lived alone has been disastrous. After a few years of living alone I got married and at least had my spouse and later on children. I also became a firefighter and later paramedic and those jobs also came with communal living at work because we worked 24 hour shifts. I think I was able to adapt to that easier than most as well due to my previous experiences living with others.

Fast forward to getting sober, divorcing, and eventually moving into an Oxford House sober living home. I have really thrived there and again my past comes in handy to allow me to adjust quickly to the trials and tribulations that can come living with others. When you add in the fact that we are all addicts and alcoholics it can become very complicated.

The biggest problem I have encountered with living in sober living is that we are all relatively unstable and can be very manipulative. With that comes cliques and schemes from many different angles. From trying to get the house to purchase self-serving unnecessary items to evicting someone you are beefing with, to contagious negative addict type behavior.

To do well in sober living takes a tremendous balance of common sense, patience, and selflessness. If you are particular and always want things a certain way you will most certainly fail. You will either get evicted or corrupt the house. When houses fall away from the original model and become corrupted then the eventual end is almost always the same. It very quickly becomes a trap house instead of a sober house.

All of this may sound very negative but my experience with sober living has been very good overall. I am one of those people that can initially have a negative reaction or opinion of something and then change my mind after some reflection so many people that have been around me may think I dislike Oxford House. As I said earlier I do owe sober living my life and do not see leaving without a compelling reason.