GWEEP!

Gregory As Stand In

GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): Here Toby, have you heard about Graham?

GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): No? What's happened?

RALPH: He's gone and got himself a part on one of those American television shows. NetBix or something.

TOBY: Funny name for a television show, what's it about?

RALPH: No, no, NetBix is the channel, the show is a remake of 'Land of the Giants.'

TOBY: Oh the sixties classic, who's he playing then?

RALPH: Giant guinea pig.

TOBY: Ahh, type casting. At least it explains why we're being juggled with this fellow.

GUINEA PIG THREE (Gregory, with a distinct English Upper Crust Accent): Errmm. Bottle of Beer, Bottle of Beer, Bweep!

(Ralph and Toby exchange 'here we go again' eye rolls)

TOBY: Err! Very nice, you almost have him to a tee.

RALPH: Why do they say that?

TOBY: Say what?

RALPH: To a tee? Is it something to do with golf?

TOBY: Shouldn't think so.

GREGORY: It's idiomatic I believe.

(Ralph and Toby look startled)

TOBY (Cautiously): Is it now?

GREGORY: Oh yes, and there are those who think that small golf clubs are behind the phrase, but they are a minority. The term may be as old as the early seventeenth century and refer to a tittle.

RALPH: (exchanging a worried glance with Toby): Do you think this sketch is going anywhere?

TOBY: Shouldn't think so. They rarely do, but at least it doesn't mention Harry Pooter.

RALPH: We should be thankful for small mercies.

GREGORY: I heard a rumour that he was planning a scene in the Dark Jokes department, and they were going to be studying the 'Necro-comic-con.'

TOBY: We dodged a bullet there then.

GREGORY: Bweep!

RALPH: Or something like that.