Alotta Monkey Business

Burnin Banana Rum

In helping test out a major version upgrade for the boss, I decided I should try writing a blog entry and share it. So, I headed over to "Invalid Item"  to see how things were going.

Andre was looking pretty sharp tonight; he had on a tangerine colored T-shirt with "Funky Monkey" printed on the back, a pair of red,fuzzy, pajama bottoms with yellow bananas all over them, and a pink pair of bunny slippers. I'd never see Andre dressed up before; for that matter, I've never seen Andre dressed before. He said it was a Christmas gift from some mouse, Amy or Anon, something like that, he wasn't sure because he'd been hitting the spiked punch pretty hard.

He offered me a drink, "Something new. It's on the house, but I want your honest opinion about it."

I tipped the glass and took a big swig. I should have known better, but I was still a bit in awe of his colorful outfit. I swallowed what felt like liquid fire and gasp for air. Hoarsely I asked, "What the hell is this stuff?"

"Well, you know how popular Hot 100 and Fireball is?"

I nodded since I still couldn't breath.

I decided to make my own recipe. I aged some bananas in a barrel of Bacardi 151 for a month along with a handful of ghost peppers and a few Carolina Reapers. For a final touch, I added a gallon of molasses for color. So, what do you think?"

"I think I burned my taste buds off."

Andre laughed at my gravely voice, "You sound like Bonnie Tyler with strep throat! But do you like my Burnin Banana Rum?"

"I'm not too fond of it, it's like swallowing banana flavored lava!"

"It can't be that hot." Andre took the glass from my hand and emptied it with one big swallow. "Wow, your really sweating and looking kind of flushed." He hadn't even winced as the burning concoction went down his gullet.

"Sorry Andre, but it's a bit too much for me." My stomach churned and rumbled so loud that Andre heard it. "Excuse me, I think I need to use the restroom." I turned towards the bathrooms but Andre stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"I'd try to make it to the gas station down the block if I was you, we're out of toilet paper. The cheap bastard started locking the crapper and I can't get anymore."

I knew I wasn't going to last much longer, I could feel the burning pressure building. "See ya later." I mumbled as I trotted for the door. I knew I didn't have much time, so I ran around the side of the bar. I thought that stuff burned going down, but it was twice as bad coming out. Luckily I was able to sit in the snow for a bit and cool my bottom before heading back home.

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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J.